“Yes please, old chap”
More dildos is an English sentence denoting a request or demand for additional dildos. It is generally used as an imperative sentence, and frequently punctuated "More dildos!" The sentence implies that the speaker is in possession of at least one dildo, and possibly a small supply of dildos, but considers these dildos inadequate either to the situation at hand or to their life in general, and therefore requires additional dildos. It also conveys that the speaker of the sentence is of higher social standing than the addressee, and therefore he has a reasonable expectation that his demand for additional dildos will be met with additional dildos.
Like many imperative sentences, "More dildos" contains many parts of speech which are merely implied. In fact, it consists of only an article and an object noun. Both the subject, "me," and the verb, "fetch," are implied. The sentence could be more fully expressed as "(Fetch) (me) more dildos (,bitch.)"
Although "More dildos" is often lauded for its efficiency and laconic style, like many abrupt imperative sentences, it is often considered rude. Therefore, several variants expressing varying degrees of additional politeness exist, including:
- Fill 'er up!
- Please sir, I want some more.
- I should do rather well to requisition an additional shipment of dildos for the lads!
The sentence "more dildos" was almost unknown in antiquity, because it was commonly believed that one dildo was a perfectly adequate supply of dildos. Renowned philosopher Democritus once famously expressed this belief in his Address to the Athenian Forum, remarking;
- Therefore, the universe is made of tiny, indivisible units of the four elements, vibrating in the void. Speaking of vibrating, I have come into the possession of two dildos. What am I possibly going to do with two dildos? Do any of you need a dildo?
Julius Caesar is known to have made a demand for more dildos; however, since English was not the lingua franca of Rome, and in fact would not come to exist for more than a millennium, he did not technically speak the sentence "more dildos." Instead, he said "Teneri mulieris amplius dildos, ergo requisitor multitudi dildos!" which translates approximately to "You have brought me more women than dildos; therefore, fetch me more dildos!"
In fact, the sentence "More dildos" is not thought to have been spoken with any regularity until the late 18th century, during the Romantic movement, when emerging Romantic poets such as Percy Bysshe Shelley sometimes found it necessary to call out for more dildos when they had unwisely engaged in romantic engagements without ensuring an adequate supply of dildos.
In modern times, due to the unfortunate abolition of slavery, the sentence "More dildos" has fallen out of favor. This is because the only people likely to respond to a demand for additional dildos are one's slave or one's wife, and one's wife is usually indisposed during any situation where a terse order to bring additional dildos would be warranted.
Although slavery is illegal throughout most of the Western world, it is occasionally simulated, especially in the context of sadism and masochism. This is the context in which the phrase "more dildos" is most occasionally employed. For example, gay S&M orgies will often employ some kind of "slave boy" who would be rightfully expected to provide more dildos for the festivities should their festiveness be threatened by a dwindling supply of dildos.
The sentence "More dildos" is also employed, occasionally, by collectors of dildos. This, however, is uncommon. It is generally considered a wiser tactic for a dildo collector to walk to the counter of an adult bookstore and inquire "Do you have any rare or unusual dildos," than it is for them to barge through the front door and exclaim "More dildos!" In fact, such an exclamation can sometimes lead to their picture being put on the bookstore's "wall of shame," a collection of Polaroids of persona non grata who were previously ejected from the store due to offenses ranging from ejaculating on the adult videos to ejaculating on the dildos.
The phrase is a particularly English one, so in many foreign languages the English phrase is used but with variant spelling and/or punctuation, while in other languages where no such phrase exists there is an equivalent colloquialism that conveys the same meaning, such as the Italian "Metti la puttana a bollire" (literally meaning "Put supper on to boil"), while in other languages where said instrument does not exist/ is not acceptable in the language's host country/ies, an imperative for another instrument is used and carries the same gravity, such as the Neapolitan Italian "Più naso Papa" (literally "More Pope's nose").
- ¡More dildos! (Spanish)
- Ilang taon na kayo? (Filipino)
- Charlene, pass on over the ol' slot machine! (Nevada)
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