Mordor Jalapeños

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SUFFER UPON MY CHILI.

“/me squints dramatically.”

~ Gandalf on Mordor Jalapeños

Red Mordor Jalapeños, in the Lord of the Rings trilogy, are said to be grown in the turgid and unholy soil of Mordor, just off Route 4. Though perhaps not the most interesting part of Mordor, they were apparently interesting enough to have been mentioned a whopping five times in the LotR trilogy. In Tolkien's universe, the Mordor Jalapeño is claimed to be the hottest object in existence, even hotter than Sauron's solid gold, double-necked guitar... even hotter than Arwen. Although not mentioned in the movie, the Mordor Jalapeño is mentioned once in the blooper reel of the 407 hour Ultraplatinum Edition DVD Collection.

Although everything else from Mordor -- including their exotic dancers, computers, and economy station wagons -- are not very high quality according to the trilogy, the "Jalapenos of Mordor" were rated "excellent" by the Middle Earth Times.


The Birth of the Mordor Jalapeño

-The Hobbit, Page 223
THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH, MRS. MARTINELA!

Mordor Chili

-The Fellowship of the Ring, page 283

Mordor Salsa

-The Two Towers, Page 809
"...what the fuck am I squinting at?"

Mordor Wasabi

-The Return of the King, Page 1

The End of the Mordor Jalapeño

-The Return of the King, Postscript

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