Modbury

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Modbury The Imperial Kingdom of Modbury π
Flag Coat of Arms
Motto: "Solves es dues equationum"
Anthem: "God save our Maths textbook" Media:Modbury.mp3
Capital	Modbury
Largest city	Your Local Well Modbury
Official language(s)	English, Mathematics
Government	The Imperial Pi Party (dictatorship)
National Hero(es)	His Supreme Countness
Established	The 1st Count of Modbury imposed the local residents with his supreme mathematical power
Currency	Quadratic Sterling
Religion	The Holy Mathematical Church (believers of other faiths shall be stoned)
Population	15

“I disagree - my wondrous town now has a population of nineteen, not fifteen as you state here. Now, if I were to express nineteen as a mathematical formula...”

~ The Count of Modbury on Modbury

“Modbury lends to death a new terror.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Modbury

“If you want to tell people of Modbury the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll stone you.”

~ Oscar Wilde on people of Modbury

Modbury is a village in the South Hams region of Devon in England. It is the capital of the Imperial Kingdom of Modbury. The current population is approximately fifteen after the Black Death swept across the South Hams in 1803. The current year in the town is 1810.

Overview

Modbury is a town deep in charm. It is located in the south of Devon, in England. It lies in a unique location, in that the latitude, longitude, and altitude of Modbury have all led to a time slip being created, and thus Modbury is stuck in the past. Official estimates put it at about two centuries behind the rest of the world and have named the official timezone to be UTC-200 years. It is ruled over by The 7th Count of Modbury.

Etymology

The name Modbury is thought to have originated from the the 8th Century when the founding fathers laid their stone. They originally settled in Salisbury but their increasing mathematical knowledge led them to be rejected. The new settlement known as Modified Salisbury was born. In its 200 year history since then it has slowly changed to Modbury.

Geography

The Empire

The town of Modbury is the capital of the Imperial Kingdom of Modbury. It is an empire that consists of Modbury, an independent state in the South of England, and the small former Greek island of Calculus. The island of Calculus is an Overseas Territory and was claimed by the Count of Modbury in 1756. Its activities are controlled by the Count.

The Kingdom is often referred to as just Modbury, due to the fact that Modbury is the governing and largest state, and that Calculus is uninhabited.

Modbury has embassies in nine European countries. These mainly deal with the Count and fellow Modburians when they go abroad, which is yet to happen in the entire history of Modbury. The embassies are run to the same timezone as Modbury itself.

UTC-200 years

It is now common scientific knowledge that Modbury lies in the timezone UTC-200 years, making it approximately 200 years behind the rest of the planet. Though there are a number of theories in support of this, the most commonly accepted is that of Maetlande, the mathematician famous for imparting his wisdom upon the current Count of Modbury.

This theory states that, unlike the 4-dimensional world we live in (see space-time) Modbury is situated in a "Pocket of High Mathematical Activity". This would mean that Modbury is in fact in a "π-dimensional bubble".

As 4 - π ≈ 0.8584073463102067615373566167205, Maetlande was able to use a complex equation to convert this number into approximately 200; the number of years Modbury is behind the rest of the world.

According to the Holy Mathematical Church, this π-dimensional bubble was caused by Rhombuloid, the ancient God of 2-dimensional shapes and area, though the scientific explanation is that when the Count of Modbury first settled in the area, his brain emitted electromagnetic waves with a frequency of precisely πHz, which caused the levels of Mathematical Activity to increase dramatically to "CRITICAL", thus causing the 0.8584073463102067615373566167205 of a dimension to be displaced.

Its current location is as yet unknown, though if encountered, it should be handled with the utmost care, as the Count of Modbury is offering the entire Modbury treasury as a reward: almost £²1 000 000 (£10.00).

History

The people of Modbury for several hundred years were seen as several hundred years behind the rest of the world. That is, until one Bartholomew O'Neill took a day trip to a local city in 1661 only to find items he had thought could never exist, things like the balloon, the revolver and the steamboat. But none of these interested the poetic yet scientific mind of O'Neill; he was more interested in the magnitude to which Pi had been extended too. He was amazed, he saw that Pi was being used as much more than the length of the circumference of a circle divided by the length of the diameter. Rather, it had become a Modburian icon of utter brilliance. He returned back to Modbury with his discovery, where, with the people amazed by his breakthrough, he was awarded the title of Count of Modbury.

The population of the town was greatly reduced as a consequence of the Black Death. Originally thriving with mathematical scholars, the town dwindled without their knowledge. The only scholar to survive was the Count of Modbury, and the surviving fourteen residents worship him.

15th Century

The original battle plan for the Second Battle of Modbury, showing the Pi and Bunsen formations. However this was scrapped and a new plan drawn up.

The 15th century saw violent times for Modbury. It was the site of two battles in the Modbury Civil War, waged between the Mathematicians, followers of the Count, and the Scientists, followers of Charles Theodore Muhammad O'Neill, brother to the Count. The first battle was a Mathematician victory on December 9 1401, when the four-strong Mathematician force put to flight a smaller Scientist force.

The second Battle of Modbury occurred on February 21 1406 when the Scientist forces, expecting an attack by Mathematician forces assembled at nearby South Brent, had fortified the town. Outnumbered approximately four to one (twelve villagers being aligned to the Count, three to his brother), and running short of potatoes to throw, the Scientists retreated the village. This victory was largely instrumental in the lifting of Charles' reign of evil in the village, paving the way for mathematics to rule.

16th Century

By 1501, the population of Modbury had risen to thirteen, with exactly half engaged in the wool trade. The impact of the mechanisation of the wool industry was to have a dramatic effect on the economic prosperity and population of the town in the mid 1520s and later. There is an old wives tale in Modbury that If you shall live in Modbury for more than four score years, may your hair turn into wool. Victims include the Count himself, though he is quick to refute the claims.

17th Century

Many workers left the town and headed to larger towns, even going as far afield as the nearby town of Torquay. With the village in economic decline after the foot and mouth disaster of 1604, which had destroyed the entire six-strong population of the magical wool-producing beasts, even more decided to leave the village for pastures new. The two remaining villagers, the Count and his faithful servant-girl, Griswold, started to rebuild the population by way of using complicated mathematical formulae to undertake asexual reproduction.

18th Century

Modbury is a growing town with good amenities and notable facilities. The most notable of these is 'Your Local Well Modbury', refurbished by the Plymouth and South West Water Society in 1743. Other shops include a delicatessen, butcher (which sells the special stuff), greengrocer, and bakers. In April 1707 local traders declared they would no longer give customers plastic bags. This was due to the large numbers of injuries to pack horses accredited to those dreaded bags of plastic.

To celebrate the turning of the 19th Century, the Count commissioned a landmark to stand out all over Modbury. The Pi Building was built between 1799 and 1802, and was completed in the Renaissance style.

A grand project commissioned by Modbury Parish Council (members: two) was the Pi Building. The construction commenced in 1799 and was finished three years later. Inspired by Renaissance arches and the Arc de Triomphe in Paris and in Brussels, the Pi Building is the pinnacle of architecture in Modbury. Shaped like the mathematical symbol, the Pi Building serves as a landmark and can be seen from all over Modbury. The Modburian flag proudly flies in side the arch and the annual New Year's celebrations are held by the building.

19th Century

Modbury inhabitants celebrated the coming of the new year by declaring the town a word-free zone for the first year. Instead, locals were encouraged to use mathematics to express their thoughts. Bunting was also put up as high as five feet off the ground, with even the Count himself joining the celebrations. The bunting has remained in place for the last seven years, as most villagers have been busy tending to the magical wool-producing beasts, now at an all-time population high of nine. Due to the success of the Pi Building, there are currently plans for the so called 'Rhombus Building'. If the plan goes through, the building would be built in 1811 to celebrate Modbury's 1000 year existence.

Photo Gallery

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  Looking at Mount Modbury from the river.

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  At the top of Mount Modbury. The sign is leaning due to the amount of hangings it was used for.

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  The Holy Mathematical Church, the main place of worship other than the Count's shrine.

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  The Pi Building at day time.

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  The front of the Count's official residence, the Tallest Tower.

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  The west side of the tallest tower.

Economy

Modbury has a rich economy. Unlike many surrounding villages, Modbury is an independent state and therefore the economy is not affected by the British government. Modbury lies in a 200 year timeslip, however, many motorists when they drive though do not realise this. Motorists should not stop in Modbury. If they do they run the risk of Modbury residents taking all of their money and converting it into local money at the bank. If you are a woman, be even more careful, as a villager may want to take you as his wife.

Currency

The current D-Series banknote, in circulation since 1734

The Bank of Modbury cashes in the British Pound Sterling in exchange for the local currency, Quadratic Sterling. This unique currency squares itself every month, i.e. if you put £²5 into the bank, the next month you will have £²25 and the next £²125. This is possible by the input of the passing tourists, and thus helps the economy prosper.

It should be noted that the current exchange rate is:

£²1 (Modbury Quadratic Sterling) = £0.00001 (British Pound Sterling)

However, it is not all good for the inhabitants. Since 1803, the price of properties has soared and this has had an effect on mortgages. The Bank of Modbury announced in 1805 that interest rates on mortgages would rise for the first time in 340 years. As of 1807, the rate currently stands at 2π²% APR. In Modbury if you are under the age of 16 then you are not liable for a salary over £²25 per week, so that the more wise folk of Modbury will save up for weeks on end, to buy such luxuries as crisps and chocolate. Although that could take a month or so.

Business

There are many plans for business in the future. One such example is the importing of hemp from the nearby village of South Brent and selling it to those villagers bored of snorting mud.

There are many plans for business in the future, for example Pickle's Cattle Store, one of the earliest and most treasured shops in Modbury, is a veritable treasure trove, and if they haven't got an item in stock, they plan to be able to "Get it by Thursday", as Harry Pickle and his wife Berta was previously involved in smuggling livestock and have much practise in "getting the goods".

Governing and Politics

An election poster for the current Count of Modbury displayed on his residence in early 1804

The politics of Modbury is unique. It is an independent state within the United Kingdom, and thus has its own government. It severed all links with the British Government in 1674.

Politics

Modbury is ruled by the Count of Modbury, the leader of the Imperial Pi Party of Modbury. It should be noted that Modbury is not a democracy, but in fact a dictatorship. An election is held, but as a show election. There are no political rivals amongst the other fourteen residents.

There is a Parliament building, however this is more for show, as the only part used is the group of offices to the side. These are used by the Count and the few other officials. The Count's place of residence is next to the Parliament.

Leader

An exclusive image of the Count at the Imperial Pi Party conference.

Modbury is currently governed by the 7th Count of Modbury. He is also the current Co-Prince of South Hams, along with the current Count of South Brent.

The current Count is his highness Thomas Bartholomew Iqmail O'Neill, he was spawned in 40,000,000 BC in the fires of Mount Modbury, where he consumed all but one of his siblings (The heir to to the Count). He has since then changed form into a disgusting freak of nature with crippling injuries to the body. One such illness is his chronic bad breath and the dissolving and rotting of his flesh. He resides in the tallest tower of the castle in Modbury. He is famed for his use of his mathemagical skill for attracting partners. His main discoveries are the discovery of the 1900 quadrillionth factor of Pi. This is reported to have taken him fifteen years to solve, though he insists to this day that it was something nearer to fifteen seconds.

Many people are surprised when they see the Count in the real world that he only earns £0.50 a week. This does not sound that much for a count. He actually earns £²50,000 a week, but the exchange rate devalues it some what.

Law and Order

Modbury has a complex law. Some activities which would be considered serious crimes in democracies (such as Political and Religious oppression) are widely supported in Modbury. However, other matters such as forgetting to include workings on Maths homework are punishable by death.

Modbury is famous for being the last place in the United Kingdom where the death penalty is practised. The most common method is by stoning, but numerous other methods such as boiling and burning at the stake are also used. If you fail to express a fraction in its simplest form, then the Count of Modbury will personally perform the "Bloody Eagle" whereby the offending party has his/her chest cut open and the skin opened up. They are then left to hang on the Welcome to Modbury sign on the A379 as a warning to passing motorists. Only the Count of Modbury has authority to grant clemency.

The infamous sign.

Biology

In the Town of Modbury the biology is very different to that of any other city or town in the United Kingdom, mainly due to the intelligence of some shrews and moles found in the south end of Modbury's outskirts.

Sexual Reproduction

Intercourse in Modbury is taken extremely serious, and because the enjoyment of this satanic activity is forbidden by The Count, blind-folds must be worn at all times and as many items of clothing should be kept on as possible. In terms of Contraception, condoms are seen as a more illegal possession, than substances like heroin or marijuana. This is mainly because The Count does not want to give the wrong idea to visitors, with adverts and such like for condoms pasted all around his fine town.

Asexual Reproduction

Asexual reproduction is the preferred method by the Count. However because this is not usually humanely possible, a series of complicated mathematical formula are used. Because these are only known to the Count himself, the attempt of trying to retrieve them, or by trying to replicate them using a calculator is seen as a capital offence, and thus the offending party will be executed by a garotte. This is due to the laws set out in the mathematical bible.

However since BBC's current affairs programme Panorama (see Panorama Report) sent an undercover reporter to work alongside the Count, the formulae have been obtained.

Baby Boy = a / xy

Baby Girl = a / xx

Identical Twins = 2(a / xx) or 2(a / xy)

Fraternal Twins = (a / xy) + (a / xx)

In these equations the letters a, x and y all represent more equations, which are listed below:

a = πC²

x = √26

y = √26 + π

Plant Biology

Most of the plants in Modbury have names which have been chosen through deep symbolic meaning or taken out of a Latin Textbook. The Most common species of plant in Modbury is the Tanail plant (commonly called the toenail plant) which mainly grows in the upper-east moors, along with the Grazwald and the Onail plants. The Tanail plant has very flaky skin and does not stand up well you strong winds or heavy rain, due to its weak roots and incapability to evolve properly and therefore gather characteristics that would make capable of standing up to extreme weather conditions.

Communication

As with any dictatorship, communication is not free in Modbury - the Count personally makes sure that no truths leak from the state and that he maintains his character. Free speech is not written into the constitution, and in the past oppression has been used.

Censoring

All information that comes from Modbury is heavily censored, and most has been huffed. This is because the Count is worried that the outside world may learn about Modbury. Some residents are afraid if they voice their opinion they may be stoned to death.

All media in Modbury is propaganda based and is owned wholly by CMM - Count of Modbury Media; a state owned media corporation. They are even about to launch a new TV channel - CMM News. This will be the first TV station in Modbury, and it will not use electricity, but instead an abacus and a series of mathematical formulae, known only to the Count himself. It is rumoured that Fiona Bruce will be the new presenter, after she was kidnapped by the Count whilst filming in Modbury. See Fiona Bruce Abduction.

This is CMM.

CMM owns the local newspaper, The Daily Express as a Fraction, which often displays the Count's propaganda photos. CMM also holds a monopoly over the local radio. There are five stations to choose from:

• Radio 1.3784 which plays contemporary hits.
• Radio 2 x 10² which combines popular hits and culture.
• Radio 3.142 (also known as Radio Pi) which plays world (spanning from either side of Modbury) music.
• Radio 4% which often discusses local culture.
• Radio 5/9 which discusses sport, often about the football team, the Modbury Fractions.

Internet

Modbury does not use the Internet as we know it. Instead the Modbury Net consists of a network of tubes running between the houses, shops and offices. Inside these tubes, ferrets run between each end of the network with pieces of paper in their mouths holding the information you requested. If an IRF (Information Retrieving Ferret) does his job properly he is fed a small meat-flavoured biscuit (this technique is also used with Modbury's children). In order to choose what information you need, you use the BORIM, the Book Of Requested Information (Modbury), which consists of 1000 different sites for you to choose from, and send off for, using their own personal ferrets. If you search for images, they come back with real photos.

Broadband consists of an extra wide tube, so more than one ferret can use it at once, and thus much more information can be gathered. WiFi consists of bats. Although this is expensive, it is catching on because of how useful it is.

Panorama Report

Panorama's reporter shouting at the Count, the first person ever known to do so.

In February 2007, the BBC's long running current affairs programme Panorama sent an undercover reporter to work in Modbury to find out the answer to the question Who is the infamous Count of Modbury?. It was decided that John Sweeney should be used, due to his history of being a firm and solid undercover reporter.

Whilst working in Modbury, he found out several shocking, yet intriguing facts. When he the got the post of the Count's personal assistant, Sweeney found out the formulae used for asexual reproduction and how the law is enforced in this town.

What was more disturbing was what he found out about fellow BBC worker Fiona Bruce. Fiona, one of the presenters of the national BBC 10 o'clock News, had been personally abducted by the Count and other Modburians. She had been filming a Money Programme special for BBC 1 in Modbury, under the question How Green is your High Street? when she went missing. A search was lead by the Metropolitan police, but to no avail. John Sweeney found Fiona working for CMM, Modbury's TV channel. Sweeney reported that Fiona was "in a bad state" and "had been forced to solve never-ending equations". The Panorama reporter thus lost it with the Count of Modbury revealing his identity.

Music

Music is a favourite in Modbury. Many Modburians like to tune their abacus into Radio 1.3784 to listen to contemporary hits, which feature in the Modbury charts.

Popular Hits

The album cover for My Cumulative Rhombus' - The Graph Parade

In Modbury music is a favoured pastime over activities such as rugby and hockey, for the Count believes it is a less demonic thing his people to be doing in their spare time. The Count also believes that writing lyrics which include any words related to intercourse or reference to intercourse are satanic and therefore must not be used in any form of music, so most of the bands in Modbury use song lyrics from bands in the future, but change all the inappropriate words with more civilised or mathematical phrases or words, in order to avoid being crushed by the count.

Some of the hits that made a huge success in Modbury are:

• Factorise Me Baby One More Time - Britney Spheres
• Welcome to the Graph Parade - My Cumulative Rhombus
• Stairway to Hexagon - Led Zeppelin (Ozzy Osbourne)
• The Median Rhapsody - Queen
• You Squared Me All Night Long - AC = DC²
• Hysteriagram - Mode
• Cylinderboy - Tenacious π

The Count himself is apparently releasing the song "Wake Me Up When The Summer Ends" to mourn the loss of another school term. Lyrics may follow if anyone can get hold of them, as they are kept hidden away, supposedly underneath the Pi building.

Eurovision

The Eurovision Song Contest, famed across Europe and the Middle East is actually surprisingly popular in Modbury, too. It is the only TV event that the Count allows the Modburian residents to witness, and thus, in the year 1806, Modbury placed a bid to enter the 2007 Competition the next year. Only one act was put forward, The Rhombuses. They submitted their song tn = x + 1, which proved to be highly successful. It had already ranked consistently at the top of the Modbury Charts, with a total sale of 2. The song is about a young mathematician who falls in love with his calculator.

The logo for next years contest

tn = x + 1

Our fun has only just begun

tn = x + 2

I have fallen in love with you

tn = x + 3

Will you make love with me?

tn = x + 4

Just like you did before

tn = x + 5

Please make me feel alive

tn = x + 6

I want to feel all your kicks

tn = x + 7

Being with you is just like heaven

tn = x + 8

Will you be my date?

The song surprisingly won, with a total of 273 votes. The Rhombuses are now enjoying the celebrations. Due to the Modburian success, next years contest will be held there. In preparation, bunting has already been put up. It is not yet known where the venue will be, as the Count has not yet confirmed this.

The Rhombuses have been personally asked by the Count to represent Modbury again, with the song Vote for Modbury (or the Count will crush you).

Leisure

Modbury residents work hard all week. When the weekend arrives, they like to celebrate by participating in many different activities. These range from sport to games of logic, and even some outsiders take part.

Many villagers like to celebrate the coming of Spring and Summer by dancing around the village Maypole

Recreation

In terms of sports, there is a recreation field, where you can a cobbled all-weather surface used mainly for stoning local residents. There is a local football team named Modbury Fractions.

Plans are currently under debate with regards to the building of a "gallows" to be used by the Count of Modbury to execute local criminals. The project has been delayed due to numerous re-jigs and submissions but a Big Lottery grant application is now being made for funding. The grant is expected to bring a total of £4.50 to the town, equivalent to £²450 000, the most seen since a lonely traveller accidentally came across Modbury with a five pound note in his trouser pocket. Interestingly, this is the last recorded sighting of the man.

The Church Hall is regularly converted into the location of the Modbury Chess Team Meeting (MCTM) which has a total of 3 members one of which is an elderly lady who regularly falls asleep whilst sitting in the pews at the Sunday service, and another one of which is forced to due to his brother attending, although he does at times enjoy it. The Modbury Champion is no-one other than Charles O'Neill, brother to the Count. He is regularly stopped in the street of Modbury and asked to sign elderly residents' cardigans.

Expedition

In September of 1807/2007 a brave explorer, whose name is unknown, would have been visiting Modbury for a week, thanks to funding from the Plymouth City and Devon County Councils. He would have been going undercover as a travelling witch doctor for magical wool-producing beasts at South Moors Witch Doctory for Magical Wool Producing Beasts. Unfortunately, the participant was double-booked on the proposed date thanks to previous engagements. No replacement adventurers are expected to replace him, as most are afraid of the Count's ruthless nature.

See also

• Mathematics
• Pi
• South Brent
• Count of Modbury
• Count of South Brent