Michael Scott
“That's what she said.”
“Pamelaaaaa Pamela Lama Ding Dong.”
“Ooh ooh ahh ahh ahh pew pew pew! Translation: That's what he [Michael] said!”
“I am both a night owl and an early bird. So I am wise, and I have worms. ”
“I'm not supersticious, but I am a little-sticious”
“I'm going toooooo drop a deuce on everybody........”
“That's what HE said.”
Michael Scott is the star of NBC show The Office and resident demigod of Scranton, Pennsylvania. Also known as Scottman, The Scottster, Dr. Scottie M.D., Scootbooter, Scootie, Sckeet, Scottmeister Flex, or his favorite Scott Milk? He is the one who coined the phrase "That's what she said" before anyone else and is considered to be the most awesome of all people in history. Though not considered hilarious by his peers, it is a well known fact that Michael Scott is not only a best friend of Stephen Colbert, but also possibly the most hilarious person to ever set foot on the earth, causing many head asplosions and gut bustings in his day. Known as the king of Crapulon 5, Michael Scott worked the Spice Mines for ten years of his life, learning the ethics of hard work and the skills of killing a man in a bar fight.
Prison[edit | edit source]
In 1983, Michael was sent to prison on charges of killing a man in a bar fight and kidnapping the President's son. There, surviving off three square meals a day of gruel omelletes and the souls of children, he was dubbed the name Prison Mike. Michael claimed the worst part of his prison life was the dementors, for they were "everywhere! Despite popular belief, prison was not the meeting place of his now BFFL. By placing his trust in the aptly named Trusty McTrust, Scott was able to escape from prison using only his two front teeth (he now has artificial teeth, which enable his super apocalypse surviving powers), an anti static wrist strap, a paperclip, a blowtorch, a hacksaw, a match, a paperclip, paper, knives, guns, WMDs, Blaster cannons, head asplosionators, 5 finger discount, starships, a monkey, a drill, a hammer, a sled, and a rocket ship. There is currently a movie in production based on this miraculous escape entitled "Miraculous Escape: Prison Mike: The Trusty McTrust Story." It will be directed by Uwe Boll and Ken Burns. Michael Scott is God.
The Many Faces of Michael Scott[edit | edit source]
Agent Michael Scarn is one of the many alter egos pertaining to the super human Michael Scott. Originating from Russia, Agent Michael Scarn and his sidekick Dwigt fight renegade paper companies, dinosaurs,Zach Effron, Nazis and the man. Most importantly, Michael Scott is God.
"Michael Klump" is a fatter version of Michael Klump and is infinitely funnier than anything Eddie Murphy has done in the past two decades.
"Ping" is the Asian version of Michael Scott. Me so sowwy. Me dwive weal bad.
Apocalypse[edit | edit source]
It is (usually, not always) a well known fact that Michael, who was aided by his BFFL Stephen Colbert, survived the apocalypse caused by mass kitten huffing. In this apocalypse (of which you no doubt can't remember, as it happened in 149 BC) Michael and Stephen were commissioned by the Apocalypse NOW campaign (which was a smear campaign against the banning of kitten huffing).
In a heroic but epic display of bravery, Scott managed to slay the evil dragon of dragon-ness and unicorn killers with one blow from his ninja stars, which he borrowed from his other best friend Dwigt.
The Fusion[edit | edit source]
The fusion requires two people of near equal power levels or awesomeness (in this case the latter) to perform a type of mating/hexing dance/ritual, in short, synchronized swimming. Both members must point upwards at a 45 degree angle in opposite directions then shouting "FU" (few). Then both partners will sidestep on their tippy-toes towards each other while slowly drawing out the word "SION!" Upon reaching the appropriate range, the mates will arch their bodies and connect their index fingers to each other and shout "HA!" If done correctly, Michael Scott and Stephen Colbert will fuse into Mikephen Scolbert or Stephcael Colbott. The outcome of contests such as Rock, Paper, Scissors thumb wars, rolling a d20, and idle threats such as my dad can beat up your dad will result in who will have the dominant appearance. Michael's success creates Scolbert and Stephen's creates Colbott, both of which have the same power level. They however do not compare with that of Jordan wades.
While many would believe this fusion would create God, or the equivalent thereof. This in fact actually makes him/her the strongest man alive. He is stronger than Superman, Batman, Spider-Man, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, Captain America, Hulk, Goku, Vegeta, Gohan, Goten, Gonads, Speed Racer, Trunks, Piccolo, Frieza, Sailor Moon, Hello Kitty, Chuck Norris, George W. Bush, Hillary Clinton, Milli Vanilli, and Raptor Jesus combined! Fusion only lasts for about a half hour or until someone says "You just lost The Game!" Since The Game has been around since the dawn of time and time hasn't been around since the dawn of time, Mikephen Scolbert/Stephcael Colbott could stay in fusion for years, until some retard invented time and decided to create divisible increments such as half hours!
Much like unicorns, Big Foot, Nessie, and petewentz, it is very rare to see a Mikephen Scolbert/Stephcael Colbott in the wild and catch it with a Pokéball, Great Ball, Ultra Ball, or god forbid the use of a Master Ball! If you manage to catch one, no doubt you'll be the coolest kid on the block and it is imperative that you find someone with the other version of your fused offspring so you can trade or battle each other. However, the fight between Mikephen Scolbert and Stephcael Colbott will not only result in a stalemate (e.g. the epic Metapod vs. Metapod battle from Pokémon Episode 4) but it'd create a time paradox and Revolver Ocelot would cease to exist because you killed his cocky 20 something year-old cowboy ass 40 years earlier with your knife which can't be broken except by the massive claws of a cave demon (aka a crab) which could rip a tank apart... Jesus Christ!