L7

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L7, formed in Los Angeles in 1985 and still an all-female rock band, at first consisted of Donita Sparks (vocals), Suzi Gardner (guitars), and two other girls (bass and drums, respectively). After 1992's Bricks Are Heavy, the band reorganized its personnel; the current lineup is now Donita Sparks (vocals) and some other nameless girls (non-vocals). Donita has cited both "a need for change" and "a stronger focus on menstrual endeavors" to be the driving forces behind the reorganization, but those other girls insist it's just another way of "Donita being, like, a huge vagina to everyone else".

Critics are inclined to disagree with these anonymous bandmates, though the public at large finds Donita's carpet-chewing awesomeness appealing. Indeed, many critics don't see Donita as awesome, but as somebody who's "dirty", "square", and "a lowlife". Experts have said that Donita's declining popularity with the critics indicates that the criticts themselves have become increasingly nerdy and lame.

L7, one of the most notable metal bands of all time, has somehow sold under 500 records worldwide, won 0 Grammy Awards, never been inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and, due to an administrative error, was named "Most unsanitary band of the Year 1992".

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Formation[edit]

Suzi Gardner's Foo Fighting abilities caught on film.

Jennifer Finch, one of the non-Donita/Gardner musicians in L7, started the band via a bulletin board announcement at her inner-city Los Angeles middle school. Donita would later nudge her way into the group at bassist Demetra Plakas'[citation needed] Sweet Sixteen. Her classmates, aided by copious amounts of liquor, were boggled by Donita's[1] skyscraping vocal talents, uncannily good for a mere 16 year old. Amidst handshakes, hugs and raised tampons, they invited her to join the band. Later, when the kids sobered up, they discovered that Donita's vocal behavior was too good to be true.

The band were known for about ten minutes as "The Suzi Gardner Band". This caused a considerable strain within the group, predominantly due to the extremely vocal objections of its singer/guitarist Donita, who wished to change the name to "Donita and her Shit List". At their first gig, however, the band became known as "Facebook".[2]

Hayday[edit]

The Band Formerly Known as Facebook officially changed its name to Elle Seven in 1988, when Suzi Gardner discovered that Donita shared the same desire for French kissing. One day they were even caught kissing eachother in a hay.[3] The name was hastily shortened to L7--a seemingly meaningless combination before the age of Facebook.

Reaction[edit]

While the press and public embraced Donita's and Suzi's kiss as "innovative", "stylish" and "daring", the hay itself did not fully agree with their skins, which became quite reddish and itchy.

L7's sixth studio album, Rad-Sloppy, was a tongue-in-cheek joke referring to L7's audience after the preceding L7 360° tour. In response to Donita's ego, Amnesty International recently released the following statement:


Charity work[edit]

Discography[edit]

  • L7 (1988)
  • Smell the Magic (1990)
  • Bollocks Are Heavy (1992)
  • Hungry for Stink (1994)
  • The Beauty Process: Triple Platinum (1997)
  • Slap-Happy (1999)

Notes[edit]

  1. Then known by her maiden name, Donita Sprinkles.
  2. "What the fuck is this! All I can hear is the feedback!" said Tad Doyle of the evening, but as Suzi Gardner's homemade guitar wailings increased at an opportune moment, the audience mistook it for "Facebook".
  3. Exactly during that one time MTV played "Pretend We're Dead".
  4. The one that Donita "sings". Not knowing this song is classified as a level 7 human rights violation.