Kylie Mole
“It' so excellent!”
“I go, I go...I just went”
– Kylie Mole having an orgasm
Kylie Mole is an Australian schoolgirl popular for her songs ("So Excellent"[1] and "I Go I Go"[2]) and career on "The Comedy Company" TV show. She was a very popular TV personality in the 1980s in Australia. At one time she was more popular than Kylie Minogue. Indeed, Mole was already famous in 1985, while Minogue got discovered in 1986 and became well-known in 1987. Since Kylie Mole wasn't as slutty as the blonde Kylie (Minogue), she soon faded into obscurity. However, she is still very popular in Eastern Europe. According to Mole herself, her real surname was Mologue, but she changed it deliberately, to avoid confusion and copyright claims over her name.[3] Some sources (e.g. the all-knowing bird of Australia, the emu) claim that Kylie "Blonde Bimbo" Minogue ruined Kylie Mole's career in showbusiness as she was jealous because Mole was far more talented than her and her boyfriend Jason Donovan was attracted to Mole.
Early Life and Identity[edit | edit source]
Kylie was born in Australia, the wild land of kangaroos and dingos. Some sources, including Wikipedia, claim she was born in 1955. Little is known about her pre-teen years, except the fact she did some modeling jobs and auditioned for a number of other jobs, such as a bus driver, a royalty, a socialite, to name a few. Her teen years are said to be her glory years. Some sources claim she never ages and always looks like 15-somethig, while others claim she ages up to 19 and then goes down to 13 again. Those claim she is destined to be a teen (ages 13-19) forever, in an ever-repeating cycle. This is the most probable reason why Mole has been a teen ever since 1969. Despite being ageless, Kylie Mole is not a vampire and has nothing to do with the "Twilight" saga.
In addition to her age, Mole's real identity is also questioned. Some people claim her real name is Mary-Anne Fahey, but they are just a bunch of bogans spreading urban legends. The most widely accepted theory is that Kylie Mole is her real name and that she is a genuine teenager. The press tried to uncover the truth about her identity by checking data logs at her highschool, but they utterly failed as she hid her report card and other school documents. Mole is very secretive about her ID documents, as she keeps her private life private unlike most celebrity attention whores. Mole got dropped from school for a month in 1988 due to her having a full-time career in showbusiness and an affair with a male teacher from her school.
Acting career[edit | edit source]
In the early 1980s Kylie Mole participated in several films, one of which has a softcore porn elements. Initially, Mole bleached her hair in order to look older. However, in 1985, she went back to her natural hair colour. Her big break was in TV sketch show "The Eleventh Hour" (1985), where she actually didn't play a role, but was being herself. Since Mole had a very impressive presence in front of the camera, the audience fell in love with her. She later went on to star in the even more popular "The Comedy Company" (1988-1990) TV show, which was in fact a spin-off of "The Eleventh Hour". In the 1980s Mole appeared in an advert for David Reid Electronics which was promoting the Commodore Amiga 500. [4]
Music career[edit | edit source]
Mole tried her hand at music in 1988, when she released her double-A single "So Excellent / I Go, I Go" [5], which made it to #8 on Australian ARIA charts. A music video for "So Excellent" was filmed. As Lady Gaga is a well-known Kylie Mole copycat, she copied some of Mole's stage attire and wigs seen in this video. Although on "The Comedy Company" TV show, Kylie Mole and her namesake Kylie Minogue were on good terms [6], they were rivals when it came to popularity. Initially, Mole was more popular than Minogue. "I Should Be So Lucky", performed by Minogue was originally written for Kylie Mole, but Minogue went to PWL instead, as Mole was busy at school that day. Since Minogue has already seduced Stock, Aitken and Waterman, Mole was unsuccessful in getting a record deal with them and she left their residence, used for intimate dinners with female singer-wannabes. However, according to music critics, Mole proved a more versaile and talented performer than Minogue, who relied heavily on her bleached hair and her role in popular TV soap opera "Neighbours" to gain popularity.
Popular fans[edit | edit source]
In adition to ordinary people, a lot of famous people have stated they are Kylie Mole fans, most notably:
- Britney Spears - Spears' schoolgirl outfit in her "Baby One More Time" music video was loosly based on Kylie Mole's shool uniform.
- Delta Goodrem
- Jason Donovan
- Lady Gaga
- Nick Cave
- Rob Mills
Pedobear incident[edit | edit source]
Pedobear had an unhealthy attraction for Kylie Mole in his early years of infamy. Pedobear has, indeed, tried to lure Ms. Mole on more than one occasion to his lovely romantic residence, but she went mad at him and tried to take advantage of him. Faced with unexpeced behavior like that, Pedobear ran away. He prefers submissive children insead. Since this incident Pedobear is no longer attrated to Kylie Mole.