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Idiotic Table of the Elements

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An atom of Cheesium

Please read the Instructions before using this table.

The Idiotic Table of the Elements is a listing of all the basic building blocks of matter. Certain columns of the table represent groups, or families of elements. This table is not to be confused with the Mahmoodian Table, which is an alternate representation of the building blocks of matter.

Families

  • Allergens
The Allergens, sometimes called the Flowergens, are emitted by flowers, and react readily with the human nasal system, in both pleasing and unpleasing ways.
  • Active Cheeses
Unlike the similar Passive cheeses, the elements of the Active Cheeses are known for their property of readily bonding with other substances, such as hamburger, broccoli, and pizza.
  • Filler Materials
Substances which don't appear to conform to any given pattern are classified as Filler and stuffed in the middle of the table or shoved to the side. Their uses and properties are largely unknown: for example, nobody is entirely sure what Minnesota is for ...
  • Alcohols
The Alcohols are known to cause increased levels of ambient Assium, and have been known to cause increases in Dissinum.
  • Innate Abilities
These elements are emitted by the brain during the use of psychic powers. Innate Abilities sometimes manifest in the presence of Tempertantrum and Hissifittium.
The Fetishides are inert, mainly because the other elements will not interact with them directly. However, Fetishides have been known to manifest in the presence of members of the Alcohols family.

History

The Idiotic Table itself was first started by Greek scientist Idiocrates in 1430 B.C.E. The early table was much simpler, and contained only four elements: Flaemon, Wettium, Windon, and Dirtium. Eventually the table was expanded as it was discovered that each of these "elements" was actually comprised of others.

By 1800 C.E. the Idiotic Table of the Elements contained more than seventy elements. However, new elements were yet to be discovered, and are indeed still being discovered. In 2003 an element recently discovered known as Unobtainium was not obtained, and therefore not put to use.[1]

In 2007 Serbia was found to have similar properties of Assium and was renamed "Buttium".

In 13370 five elements were discovered and were proved to be the 1337. They were given the category "1337 Elements".

In 31337 a sixth 1337 element was found.

In 41337 a seventh 1337 element was found. It was actually found in 1338, but the scientists did not announce it's discovery, to honor the tradition that every 1337 element should be found in a year ending in 1337. People were annoyed that they had to wait 9999 years just to see another !@#$ing 1337 element.

The Idiotic Table of the Elements

Allergens Active Cheeses Filler Materials Alcohols More Filler Materials Innate Abilities Fetishides
1H
Hydrangea
Jg
Jagermeistrum
Wiki
Wiki
2Pz
Pizza
Crm
Crambonium
2⅜Cv
Clairvoynium
2.5He
Hentaium
3Ge
Geranium
4Ch
Cheesium
4.3Dn
Down
4.4Fe
Fetus
4.469Lb
Lambium
4.5Al
Aluminum
5No
Notsoaloneium
5.5proofB
Beeron
6C
Crampon
7N
Nitro
8O
Oxycontin
9F
Forcium
10Fu
Furrium
11Cy
Chrysanthemum
12Nc
Nachosium
13Poo
Nutellium
13.5Del
Delyrium
14En
Wiki
15Ar
Armageddon
55Rn
Randomium
15.5AnaNg
Gigantium
16Pd
Puddingium
17"Ho
Hardon
18proofTq
Tequilium
19Si
Silicone
20P
Potatium
21S
Sithtium
22Tp
Telepathium
23An
Analium
24Tu
Tulipnum
25Ca
Cheddarium
26Sc
Scorcesium
00Ti
Tittium
27V
Vaginon
28Cr
Cromagnon
29Mn
Minnesota
30Pn
Phonicium
31Pi
Magnum
32SS
Nazium
33Cu
Cucumberon
34Zi
Zig
35proofVk
Vodkum
36Gi
Gilligan
37As
Assium
38Bt
Buttium
39Tk
Telekenisium
40Bd
Bondagium
41Ir
Irus
42Co
Colbium
43Y
Yattayattium
44Zr
Zerowingon
45Nb
Coltium
46Nf
Nerf
47Pl
Plotonium
48Ru
Rubber
49Rh
Zimbabweum
50Pd
Copper
51Ag
Agamemnon
52Cd
Codependium
53proofGn
Gin
54W
Wood
55Sb
Submarino
56Te
Tempertantrum
57Gy
Gaydar
5.8Ph
Pedophillium
59Da
Daisium
60Mz
Mozzerellium
61Lu
Lithuanium
61½Hf
Halfassnium
62Ta
Tampon
63Wtf
Watthefukium
64IQRe
Retardium
65Os
Oscarwildeum
66Ip
Internetum
67Pt
Pantium
68Au
Augidogium
69Hg
Hughhefnerium
70proofCm
Captainmorganrum
71Pb
Peanutbutterum
72Pl
Planetarium
LXXIIIPo (73)

Popium
74Lv
Levitatium
75Bt
Buttsechsium
76OMFG
OMFuckinGodium
77Pa
Parmesanum
78Lr
Lordbyronium
79Rf
Rufium
80Db
Doobium
81Sl
Slutatarium
82Dys
Muixelsyd
83Hs
Hissifittium
84Mt
Mountaindewium
85Ds
Dissinum
86Rg
Rugbium
9201Un
Uncyclopedium
88proofKa
Coltium
89Cg
Chewinggum
90Tv
Televizium
91MF
Motherfuckium
92Mu
Medium/Polonium
93Pl
Plushophilium
94Hu
Human
666Ihu
Inhuman

Vegemites and Collegiates

95Rc
Vegimiton
96Pr
Parslium
97Slut
Slutgerium
98Ce
Celerium
99Cc
Coconuton
100Tp
Turnipium
101Dk
Dukeum
118Iu
Hoosierium
119Au
Australium
120Am
Trumpium

Asinines

111Uuu
Unununium
102Gu
Glueon
103Py
Pentium
104Lm
Linoleum
105U
Urmomium
106Dt
Ductapium
107R!
Rubioium
108Kh
Kittenhufnium
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Kryptonite
109Fa
Fartium
1104Ks
4Kids
112Btfk
Sodomite
113GbEu
Euripodium
114!
Belgium
90210LOL
Beverlyhillsium

Bodily Hair Metals

-5Ha
Hairium
124Bd
Beardium
130Ms
Moustachium
141Pu
Pubicum
30,012Ap
Armpiton

1337 Elements

1337Leet
1337ium
1338Ko
Koolium
1339Mrt
Mr. T-ium
1340Wrk
Werockium
1341Mc
Marcoium
1342Yum
Yourmomium
1343Yuk
Yukydoodium
1344Ami
Amirite

Planetides

115Mr
Mercurium
116Ve
Venusium
117Ear
Earthium
121Mas
Marsium
122Ju
Jupiterium
123Sr
Saturnium
125Ur
Uranium
126Ne
Neptunium
127Plu
Plutonium

The Deitides

G_d
Jehovium
∞+1Je
Jesium
∞+2Vm
Virginmarium
∞+3Bh
Bhuddium
∞+4اﷲ
Allahnium
∞+5Sof
Sophia
∞+6Vi
Vishnuium
∞+7Sh
Shivium
0/0 N/A
Athine
∞+8
Osiridium
∞+9Od
Odinium
∞+10Thr
Thoridium
2Xn
Xenuvium
3Zz
ZZ-topium
Bs
Bushium
אJw
Jewium
Mx
Mexican
∞+1Wp
Weaselpudgium
∞+∞Kck
Chucknorrisium
?Cm
cum
?Ag
Goddium

Unknown Classification

999Uo
Unobtainium
420Wd
Weed

See also

 
Periodic Table of Elements:

 Make sure you memorize these for the test!

 
Alkali
 
Alkaline Earth
 
Transition
 
Basic
 
Semimetal
 
Nonmetal
 
Halogen
 
Snob Gas
 
Lanthanide
 
Actinide
 
Awesomnide
 
Unverifide
1H Hydrogen 2He Helium
3Li Lithium 4Be Beryllium 5B Boron 6C Carbon 7N Nitrogen 8O Oxygen 9F Fluorine 10Ne Neon
11Na Sodium 12 Mg Magnesium 13Al Aluminum 14 Si Silicon 15 P Phosphorus 16 S Sulfur 17Cl Chlorine 18Ar Argent
19 K Potassium 20 Ca Calcium 21Sc Scandinavium 22Ti Titanium 23 V Vanadium 24Cr Chromium 25 Mn Manganese 26Fe Iron 27 Co Cobalt 28Ni Nickel 29 Cu Copper 30 Zn Zinc 31 Ga Gallium 32 Ge Germanium 33 As Arsenic 34 Se Selenium 35 Br Bromine 36Kr Krypton
37 Rb Rubidium 38 Sr Strontium 39 Y Yttrium 40 Zr Zirconium 41 Nb Niobium 42 Mo Molybdenum 43 Tc Technetium 44 Ru Ruthenium 45 Rh Rhodium 46 Pd Palladium 47Ag Silver 48 Cd Cadmium 49In Indium 50Sn Tin 51 Sb Antimony 99Te Tedium 53 I Iodine 54Xe Xenon
55 Cs Caesium 56 Ba Barium 57-71 La-Lu Lanthanides 72 Hf Hafnium 73 Ta Tantalum 74 W Tungsten 75 Re Rhenium 76 Os Osmium 77 Ir Iridium 78Pt Platinum 79Au Gold 80Hg Mercury 81 Tl Thallium 82Pb Lead 83Bi Bismuth 84Po Polonium 85 At Astatine 86Rn Radon
87 Fr Francium 88 Ra Radium 89-103 Ac-Lr Actinides 104 Rf Rutherfordium 105 Db Dubnium 106 Sg Seaborgium 107 Bh Bohrium 108 Hs Hassium 109 Mt Meitnerium 110 Ds Darmstadtium 111 Uuu Unununium 112 Cn Copernicium 113 Nh Nihonium 114 Fl Flerovium 115 Mc Moscovium 116 Lv Livermorium 117 Ts Tennessine 118 Og Oganesson
119Un Uncyclopedium 120 Ub Unobtanium 121 Aeo Awesomnium 122Fa Fartium 123St Stalinium 124Ob Obamium 125Sl Stalloneium -1SuStupidium 1/5Bm Brucium 1/2*Ch Cheesium 3/4Pl Plotonium 4.5Op Opium Hu Homoerectium
57 La Lanthanum 58 Ce Cerium 59Pr Praseodymium 60 Nd Neodymium 61 Pm Pentium 62 Sm Samarium 63 Eu Europium 64 Gd Gadolinium 65 Tb Terbium 66 Dy Dysprosium 67 Ho Holmium 68 Er Erbium 69 Tm Thulium 70 Yb Ytterbium 71 Lu Lutetium
89 Ac Actinium 90 Th Thorium 91 Pa Protactinium 92U Uranium 93 Np Neptunium 94Pu Plutonium 95 Am Americium 96 Cm Curium 97 Bk Berkelium 98 Cf Californium 99 Es Einsteinium 100 Fm Fermium 101 Md Mendelevium 102 No Nobelium 103 Lr Lawrencium
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  1. By 2005 there was speculation about an Element of Surprise, but it proved impossible to detect as just about everyone was already talking about it.