Howard "The Coward" Alto Dean (1907-3001) is the head of the Democratic National Committee, a former LL Bean model, ex-leader singer of smash hit gregorian chanting outfit The John Spencer Blues Explosion, and 15th degree yodeler. He is also well known for coining the phrase "there is snow on top but fire in the furnace". He was also the first person to pioneer the practice of Satyagraha, a strategy to speak softly, treat everyone with respect, deal with matters non-violently, and...YEAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHH!
Dean spent the first 17 years of his life as a shovel, and was a good one, at that. He is currently married to Dame Judy Dean, a medical doctor and Royal Shakespearean actress. They have four children, "Yeeeee", "Arrrrr", "Byaaaah", and "Grrrrrh!!!". Governor Dean has a brother Roger Billy Dean.
Dean died in a hover-car accident two months after his 3001 presidential bid was defeated by the wild crowd pleaser and sane person, John Kerry. The only witness to his death, O.J. Simpson, reported his last words to be "I'm the one who killed your wife, please forgive me, and let everyone know the truth. Yeeeeeeeearrrrrrhhhhh!". He was posthumously ground into the sausages of his cousin Jimmy, which were subsequently used in an ambitious plot to take back "the white house".
A lover of kitten huffing, Dean was reported to have donated millions of dollars worth of bon-bons to Carlos, the guy behind the 7-Eleven in order to fuel his kitten induced euphoria. During a CNN interview with him, Carlos said about Dean, "I'll miss him, he was my best customer. Like, he'd come in some Saturady mornings wasted, and I'd be like, 'You need to give me some bonbons, don't you?', and he'd be like, 'YEAAAAAAAH!', and I'd be all 'Okay, but only the chocolate ones.' Plus he was fucking scary. I mean come on how many people do you know that just scare you shitless when you first meet them? Not many."
However, Dean is best remembered for his famous scream in Iowa, during which approximately 57 people died, and 26 were seriously injured. The scream also damaged a YMCA children's center nearby, where four children had died of leprosy. Survivors reported that the scream reminded them of an orgasm gone bad.
He also is the founder of the town known as Stabaho, which is where he took the White House back to.
It was only about 50 years after Dean's death that everybody that had followed him in a sort of cult/political faction kinda disappeared. It was rumored that either his spirit took each one in their sleep, or they plotted a mass suicide that ended up burning down 65% of New New Orleans. The remainder of the city ended up being the ghetto of Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough New New New Orleans.
Other lesser known killings resulted from a good "BYAAAAAAAAHHH!!" or two in which he gouged the eyes of Tom Harkin at his Iowa rally in which he stated the day after that he was too "Crunk" to remember the incident
- Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder
- John Kerry
- John Edwards
- James Dean
- Tom Harkin
- Political suicide
|Candidates in the 2004 U. S. Presidential Election|