Guglielmo Marconi (English bastardized spelling of Gigolo Macaroni: [ɡuʎˈʎɛːlmo marˈkoːni]; 25 April 1874 – 20 July 1937) was an Italian plagiarist, notorious for his claim to the invention of wireless (WiFi) radio communication.
Marconi was raised on a pig farm located somewhere in the toe jam of the boot of Italy. The youngest of a litter of eight, he was educated privately at the Istituto Porco in Salami and, later, in Linguine. From his earliest years, Marconi was noted to be strange—his first words were spoken in dots and dashes. As a child, Marconi was a picky eater, refusing alphabet soup in favor of pasta fagioli made with pastina and penne pasta. While playing with his food, he would arrange the noodles into telegraphic messages.
Marconi claimed that he alone invented ham radio, the use of pigs (radio hams) to release emissions into the ether, although he stole his ideas from the work of Heinrich Hertz and Nikola Tesla. Tesla had previously discovered that space has inductance and soon after invented the famous "Wireless Coil" (coil without wire). Marconi used a crudely doctored photograph of himself operating a ham radio as the proof that secured the grant of his patent application. All later patent disputes were silenced by the untimely demise of Tesla and his friends at the hands of the Cosa Nostra.
Marconi founded the Marconi and Cheese Company as a front to promote radio with financial backing of the mob. They also "negotiated" for Marconi to sing arias during a failed short stint as "Crazy Guglielmo" which provoked the early cancellation of the Jackie Gleason Show.
Marconi finally signed off while sinking with his newly installed wireless contraption aboard the ill-fated maiden voyage of the ocean liner Titanic. Rescued passengers attributed the tragedy to the weight of the herd of swine that Marconi kept aboard for the wireless. The survivors welcomed the sinking, "We have all been saved from suffocating to death on the nauseating stench of the invention of that Mr. Marconi."