“and only 25 calories per spoonful....”
Gastrorgasmic cuisine is a form of cuisine that has been easily and often overlooked by the average erotic enthusiasts. The gastric g-spot is among the hardest, yet also the most rewarding to stimulate. Followers of this culinary tradition are renowned for their secretive behaviour, as the art of sexually stimulating another human being through food is little known and practitioners until now have preferred keeping it that way.
Experienced by both males and females, the gastrorgasm is controlled by the involuntary, or autonomic gastric system and is accompanied by quick cycles of muscle contraction in the lower intestine. Gastrorgasms are often associated with other involuntary actions, including muscular spasms in multiple areas of the body, a warm, fuzzy sensation in both the abdomen and brain, and an inability to think straight.
In some cases, women, or less often men, manage to achieve multiple gastorgasms over a shorter period of time. Within the fold of gastrorgasmic underground movements, these individuals are spoken of in whispers, as if they were only mythical beings rarely found by anyone, but the most accomplished chefs.
Anatomically, a number of key areas along the abdominal tract can be sensitive to arousal. It cannot be emphasised enough that abuse of gastrorgasmic cookery can lead to severe addiction, the drive to eat anything in the hope for quick satisfaction and obesity. Scientists are still squabbling over the most simple methods of causing a gastrorgasm, but contrary to vaginal or clitoral orgasms, a gastrorgasm can not be attained through mechanical stimulation.
Traditional aphrodisiac and gastrorgasmic food
The traditions of what does and does not increase the sexual drive of an individual are widely disputed. However what few seem to understand is that an aphrodisiac dish is intended to increase the sexual drive of the individual, while gastrorgasmic cuisine aims to coitus while eating and digesting the food.
Some newer followers of the gastrorgasmic movement still mix these terms up, which has caused the onslaught of misinformed media representatives attacking gastrorgasmic tantric groups as criminal, even abusive towards its members. With Christine O'Donnell's recent statements of having "dabbled in food orgies", with picnics on Satanic altars splattered with tomato sauce, the gastrorgasm-practising community has begun making statements correcting these misconceptions.
Aphrodisiacs affect the mind and body by stimulating through scent and appearances, which often have some form of resemblance to sexual organs. Orchids are sadly among the things mistaken for aphrodisiac foods, but as most beginning aficionados find out, also highly toxic. Gastroragmic foods again depend strongly on their texture and flavour, and the variations in temperature, consistency and Scoville scale to produce stimulation along the gastric tract. This clear difference is easy to grasp, but the media is still convinced it is all about food orgies, which also involve wasting good food by smearing them on other people and licking it off of their naughty bits.
The movement is considered by many to have begun in the US, early proponent was Fanny "batter" Cradock, who when not demonstrating her prowess with a piping bag and teaching young ladies that "only a slut gets in a mess in the kitchen", became a very vocal supporter of Gastrogmasic Cuisine. During the 1970s, Graham "Juan" Kerr, TV's Galloping Gourmet, would, following a liberal downing of wine attempt to foist his moulded ethnic vegetable on unsuspecting members of the studio audience.
The movement has many supporters within the UK such as Nigella "Baps" Lawson, Gordon "loves it" Ramsay and Delia"can swallow a cucumber whole" Smith. One outspoken critic though is Jamie Oliver, who was famously confused with a genital shaped fruit in 2006 and was nearly devoured whole by Kate Winslet at a celebrity banquet.
Moving into more modern times within the United States, some current proponents of gastrorgasmic cuisine include Alton "Iron Chef America's Live Food Encyclopaedia" Brown and Giada "Creepy Smile" deLaurentiis, who are keen to see an increasing appreciation for the cooking style.
Foodstuffs of a Gastrorgasmic Nature
A number of food items have been shown to facilitate a high erogenous content making them favourable for their use in Gastrorgasmic Cuisine. These include:
- Bratwurst Sausage
- Pumpkin pie
- Whipped cream (with or without flavourings)
- Molasses syrup
Oystersno wait, those are aphrodisiacs
- Exotic fruits used in describing the size of mammary glands
Dangers of Gastrorgasmic Cuisine
Recent studies have shown an increasing number of issues pertaining to Gastrorgasmic Cuisine, including psychological illnesses, obsessive behaviour and dangerous medical proceedures. A number of people, known as "Feeders", are known to gain sexual gratification from inducing gastrorgasms in others and have on occasion pushed partners into practices that may be detrimental to their health.
Some individuals have been known to become so obsessed with stimulating the gastric g-spot that they actually overface themselves and risk choking, or in extreme cases exploding. A number of celebrity gastrorgasm addicts are thought to include Oprah Winfrey, Mama Cass and Elizabeth Taylor.
Despite the frequent toting of risks by the media, there is a growing sub-culture within the main gastric aficionado group, where it has become a self-fulfilling goal of cramming as much pudding past the gastric tract without proper care for the pleasure every swallow should bring. As in porn, this has become a hardcore phenomenon, where the only thing that matters is the instant gratification, the illusion of pleasure it brings, not the sensual pleasure.