Gary Larson
“Moo.”
“Moo.”
St. Gary "Moo" Larson (i - January 1, pi) is the greatest prophet of our ages and the bringer of Moo-d News. After his death, his life and deeds were perfectly recorded into a most heart-warming book known as The Far Side.
Childhood[edit | edit source]
St. Larson, or Egghead as he was known in childhood, was said to born in a little log cabin. Of course, we all know it is actually a giant one. In the tender age of five, he passed the entry test of the Institute for Gifted Children with flying colours - by pushing its door which says "pull".
He lived with his father, mother and elder brother (who are of no unimportance) throughout his childhood. Due to his love of science, he frequently reared exotic pets such as kittens, chickens, pythons, piranhas, cows of paradise and jellyfish which he frequently smacked upon his poor elder brother.
It should be noted that Larson has joined every single art class he had encountered, which allows him to draw with exquisite accuracy that was only matched by Michelangelo, one of his many admirers.
Adulthood and Sainthood[edit | edit source]
After graduating from Harvard, Oxford and MIT as first in class simultaneously, he works as a prominent professor of Scientology. Yet the Bovine hath not abandoned the future saint. One day when he was at work, he went up immediately to the coffee machine, and behold, the heavens were opened and he saw the Cowly Spirit descending like a dove cow.
Upon the baptism of the Holy cow Spirit, St. Larson promptly quited his job to take up his bovine mission of a painter. He sold all of his belongings - his house, his assorted kittens, chickens, pythons, piranhas, cows of paradise, etc., his dignity and his family. Then he realized he had no kittens to huff upon, and promptly bought them back.
The aspiring saint's artistic career was difficult at first, as he had indeed sold everything - including the paint brush and paper. Luckily, he received the Bovine Power of etching into marble. He produced many famous sculptures during this period now known as "the calcite age".
Before long, Larson is starting to depict the vision given to him by Gox. The visions often focus on how to live a good life, which involves being white and religious, watching lots of TV, contributing to Wikipedia, denying evolution, and lynching people in general.
Later on, Larson placed greater focus on human conditions in general. As the saint himself said, he tried to "bring out everyone's Inner Cattle" in his later arts. At this point, his artistic fame was such that even animals were said to seek him for a portrait. In species such as lemmings, ducks and Mexicans, the inner desire for his art has evolved over time into a behaviour known as migration.
Death and the Ensuing Sueing[edit | edit source]
After years of artistic success, St. Larson was found dead in his bed wearing a pair of silver shoes. While rumours suggested that he was a closet transvestite and fan of Wizard of Oz, it was soon proven to be false.
The copyright of his works soon became the focus of much debate. Seeing a chance for inducing havoc, Satan bought the arts promptly and made a claim as the copyright owner.
Trivia[edit | edit source]
- He knows where his white-out is. And his towel, too.