Facepalm

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Facepalm.


Cquote1.svg Hey! Dude, I need your help!!!  Cquote2.svg
FacePalmPhone.jpg
Cquote1.svg Okay, this is what is happening, can you guys help me please?  Cquote2.svg
DoubleFacepalm.jpg
Cquote1.svg My parents are out of town on vacation... What's that look for?  Cquote2.svg
Facepalming.gif
Cquote1.svg ...and they won't be home for a couple weeks so I need your help.  Cquote2.svg
Cquote1.svg Don't just ignore me, I got a real problem here!  Cquote2.svg

Background[edit]

Cquote1.svg So, I've been dating my little sister's friend...  Cquote2.svg
Cquote1.svg Whatever. Her name is Jennifer and we've been going out for a while.  Cquote2.svg
Cquote1.svg We have a lot in common! Sometimes I help her with homework...  Cquote2.svg
Cquote1.svg I helped her with her English essay but she still got a D.  Cquote2.svg
Cquote1.svg  I think the teacher is some kind of homo.  Cquote2.svg
FacepalmColbert.gif

What Happened[edit]

Cquote1.svg Anyways, Jennifer came over about an hour ago...  Cquote2.svg
Cquote1.svg ...and I really wanted to lose my virginity, so I asked her if we could have sex.  Cquote2.svg
Cquote1.svg 'No, no we can't. It's not right,' she said.  Cquote2.svg
Cquote1.svg But I told her I knew what I was doing and not to worry. Are you listening to me?  Cquote2.svg
Cquote1.svg I told her it would only take a few seconds, so she said yes but only if I gave her two Nintendo DS games.  Cquote2.svg
Cquote1.svg So I gave her Laura Croft Tomb Raider and LEGO Star Wars II because that's what she wanted...  Cquote2.svg
Cquote1.svg ...and then she went into my room, and I told her to put on some mood music.  Cquote2.svg

In The Bedroom[edit]

Cquote1.svg Then I thought to myself — I need lube now, right???  Cquote2.svg
Cquote1.svg Because I read on the internet somewhere that you need to lube up her clit or it will not fit inside!  Cquote2.svg


BanzaiFacepalm.gif
Cquote1.svg Okay, so I had no lube — but I really wanted to lose my virginity!!!  Cquote2.svg
Cquote1.svg I grabbed some butter from the refrigerator, but it was cold and too hard!  Cquote2.svg
ButterBowl.jpg
Cquote1.svg Then I remembered something else I read on the internet.  Cquote2.svg

HowTo:Melt Butter [1][edit]

Cquote1.svg Are you paying attention dude? This is important to me!  Cquote2.svg
CutButter.jpg
Cquote1.svg First I cut the butter into chunks. Do you know why?  Cquote2.svg
Cquote1.svg Because that increases the butter's surface area and helps it melt faster, duh.  Cquote2.svg
Cquote1.svg Then I put the butter in a microwave-safe dish and covered it with a paper towel.  Cquote2.svg
NukeButter.jpg
Cquote1.svg My mom always yells at me when I forget to do that.  Cquote2.svg
Cquote1.svg I couldn't remember how long to heat it up for, so I figured two minutes would be plenty of time.  Cquote2.svg
Gorillatrans.gif HowTo 
This article is part of Uncyclopedia's HowTo series.
See more HowTos
MicrowaveDial.jpg
Cquote1.svg I remembered not to microwave the spoon this time, though.  Cquote2.svg
Cquote1.svg Sometimes I forget and the microwave blows up.  Cquote2.svg

After That[edit]

Cquote1.svg I put the melted butter in a turkey baster...  Cquote2.svg
Cquote1.svg ...and then squirted it up my girlfriend's vagina.  Cquote2.svg
Cquote1.svg Now she is crying in the bathroom saying I burned it!  Cquote2.svg
Cquote1.svg I'm serious, I'm freaking out!  Cquote2.svg
MerylStreepFacepalm.gif
Cquote1.svg So do you have any idea how I can shut her up?  Cquote2.svg
Cquote1.svg Will it help if I give her another Nintendo DS game?  Cquote2.svg
TumblrFacepalm.gif
Cquote1.svg Please help me, I don't know what to do!  Cquote2.svg
Cquote1.svg What am I going to tell my parents?  Cquote2.svg
Cquote1.svg I didn't even get to do it!!!  Cquote2.svg

See Also [2][edit]

The magic Facepalm tarot card.

The Many Facepalms of Jean-Luc Picard [3][edit]

Emoji & Emoticons[edit]


Facepalmsmiley.gif {{Facepalm}} (-_Q) Q-/ m-/ m(

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References[edit]

  1. The original How To Melt Butter spork can be found here for your edification
  2. The Headdesk is a very similar form of expression found on Wikipedia.
  3. A comprehensive catalog of Facepalm references