Scanners

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For the last 36 years, people have been trying to create their own version of the movie Scanners. From television producers to stoner rock bands, they all came up with nothing more than nice attempts to remind the world of this Canadian masterpiece. Until the Uncyclopedia article about the movie was created...

What are Scanners?[edit]

The Scanners are human beings who are afraid to connect their souls to stories and lyrics, and instead tend to only scan every text with which they come across. In 2017, it is easy to recognize Scanners - they are simply Wikipedia users. These are known to include all the Michael Bay-area residents.

Am I a Scanner?[edit]

As a human who is currently reading and/or writing an Uncyclopedia article, and considering the fact that Uncyclopedia is using Wikipedia by definition to create its parody - you can be sure that you are indeed one of these Scanners.

Are you sure?[edit]

If I am using Uncyclopedia it doesn't make me a Wikipedia user. I am simply a person who is using a website which is using Wikipedia. And a website cannot be a Scanner because a website is not a human being. So there.

Damn straight![edit]

So none of us are Scanners... not me and not the readers of the article... this article is going to be REALLY stupid unless some head explodes soon... or something similar...

A mind blowing finale?[edit]

So nothing is going to blow your mind like the following article finale. If the finale of this article isn't going to blow your mind, you should suck your own frontal private part. Slowly. I am serious. So here we go: The reason Wikipedia users are Scanners is the introduction part of the Wikipedia articles. This introduction contains the name of the article in bold, so that the reader/writer will have the illusion that they already read the entire article, and/or that they have all the knowledge about the article's subject. It is totally gay. In fact, the only thing which is gayer than this is telling you that you have just been reading an article about the show Curb Your Enthusiasm, and that this is in fact a parody of the staring contest from the show, in which you represent Larry David, and I represent David Cronenberg.

Richard Lewis, season 9-era.
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Absorbing all of it may cause one's head to asplode.
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