Clube de Futebol Estrela da Amadora

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
E.Amadora
EAmadora.png
Full name Clube de Futebol Estrela da Amadora
Nickname(s) Os Tricolor,
Estrela,
Signore Italiano
Founded No-one remembers, club
currently thinks 1932.
Ground Estádio José Gomes Longname,
Amadora
Capacity 12,630, never filled more than
200 journalists
Chairman António Oliveira da Blandio
Manager Daúto Faquirá Jehn Eric
League BLOSELIGA
2006/07 Mid-table mediocrity,
9th

Clube de Futebol Estrela da Amadora, normally shortened to the length of their achievement roll as Estrela or Amadora, are a Portuguese football club from Amadora, Lisbon. They have won one trophy, an early 1990's Taça de Portugal that coincidentally held on the same year that Amadora had a full starting line-up of Portuguese. They normally comprise of many Brazilians and Italians, with a couple of Portuguese thrown in.

History[edit | edit source]

Amadora were founded in 1932, and for the next seventy years, they were always forgotten about as Lisbon's "other team". They occasionally attracted some headlines, such as when they were promoted, but people mostly ignored them on the grounds that "They're shite" and "Must...support...Benfica".

They signed the Italian contract in 1954, and since then have worn the country's colours. However, their play did not reflect the national team, so Italy's leader at the time decided to force Estrela da Amadora to have Italians in their line-up at all times. Estrela still didn't look like the Italian national team.

Estrela kept on bobbing around the divisions in record pace, culminating in a seven year stay in the top flight in the early nineties. However, the LPFP decided that there were too many Lisboan clubs around, and relegated them. They didn't gain promotion again until 2005, when celebrations actually took place in Amadora (a rare feat indeed).

1990's Taça[edit | edit source]

The victory in the Taça brought Amadora it's first taste of silverware, and realisation that they weren't quite that shite, despite having possibly the easiest set of matches in Taça history. The run included such brilliant ties against clubs such as Louletano, 1º Dezembro and Eléctrico, teams that Estrela should expect to thrash. They won each match on penalties.

The final was against Benfica. Most of the time, you would expect O Glorioso to win by a mile. However, FC Porto chairman Pinto da Costa paid off the referee (again), as he wanted to see Benfica humbled. Amadora won the game with 6 penalties, while Benfica had 4 players sent off.

Estádio José Gomes[edit | edit source]

The Estádio José Gomes is Estrela's stadium. Like most Portuguese stadia, it seats around 15,000 people, and, like most Portuguese stadia, it never fills more than a couple of hundred. The focal point of the stadium is the giant mutated fish in the east stand, caused by an allergic reaction by a fish to all of the constant rain that only ever falls over the curiously non-roofed stadium.

It is also the cheapest stadium in the Liga to go to, due to Amadora trying desperately to lure new fans to them. This, however, only served to hit Amadora in the pocket even more, as they did not attract enough fans to cover the lower prices. A spokesperson for Amadora said that they would "sell the east and west stands to property developers" in order to gain more money. However, no-one wanted them, so Estrela da Amadora are screwed.

The Italian Connection[edit | edit source]

Estrela da Amadora's new shirt sponsor 2007-?

Since taking up the flag of Italy's colours, Amadora have had a contractual agreement to have at least 5 Italian players on their books at one time. Some were good, such as Mário Rossi, the fat bloke up front who always seem to rise as if from a pipe and score. Some were average, such as Luigi Ferraris, who dictated play from midfield, but was always scared by slow, powerful opponents. And some were just awful, such as Gianfranco "Wusso"lini, who would run away from his center-back position at the first sign of an opposition attack.

Lisboan Problem[edit | edit source]

The Lisboan problem facing Amadora constantly is that they live in a place with the more illustrious Sporting, Benfica and Belenenses. Because of the brainwashing effect that the big teams have on people, it makes it impossible for smaller clubs such as Amadora to gain any fans. This isn't helped by the fact that no-one lives in Amadora, so they have a very small selection to begin with anyway. When scouts go outside of Amadora to find new fans, they always seem to mysteriously disappear without trace, only to be found supporting Benfica five years later.