Carnose

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
This carmelized corpse is saturated with carnose. Many mortuaries extract carnose from cadavers for industrial uses.

Carnose is a sugar that occurs naturally in meat products. The molecule is important in many biological processes. In mammals, carnose molecules are present in sweat and other fluids released during reproduction. Carnose is also an important component in many industrial food products (such as Oreos, Pringles, and Crisco).

Since the mid-1990s, the word carnose has also been used as slang term in large metropolitan areas in the southern United States to refer to prostitutes (either male or female) who specialize in fellatio.

Chemical Structure[edit | edit source]

A carnose crystal under a scanning tunneling microscope. The twin amides can be seen, although to the uninitiated, they may appear to be headlights

Carnose was first identified in 1844 by Lorenzo di Bolognese. Its chemical structure was identified in 1889 by Franz Würstchen. Carnose contains molecular features of both glucose and cadaverine, with several carbons contained in a chain along with two amide groups. As a result, 95.4% people perceive carnose as both sweet- and foul-smelling (much like a long-deceased body of a prostitute doused in cologne). For the remaining 4.6% of people, carnose has the properties of an aphrodesiac.

In crystalline form, the carnose molecules are tightly packed into layers. Carnose crystals have a high amount of elasticity and are highly resistant to deformations. In collisions with other substances, the top layer of carnose molecules may deform, leaving the other layers intact.

Production[edit | edit source]

Carnose can be synthetically produced. However, most carnose is extracted from pigs and cattle (kosher carnose is extracted exclusively from cows and sheep). The livestock is force-fed a strict diet of fructose and gelatin. After six-weeks on this diet, the livestock is slaughtered by being boiled alive in a vat of treacle. The muscle tissue is removed to undergo the process of enzymatic hydrolysis. In this process, the muscle tissue is combined with the enzyme carnaldesirase at a temperature of 130℃ in acidic conditions. Afterwards, the carnose (which at this stage has the texture and odor of semen) is refined and purified through filtration. The typical yield for this process is 92%.

Industrial Uses[edit | edit source]

A wide variety of industries utilize carnose in manufacture. Most prominently, the food industry uses carnose in many processed foods as a substitute for arsenic. Carnose is also used in the manufacture of automobiles to create new car smell.