Brummie

This article may be Overly British

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In the proud country of Great Britain, almost at its dead centre, stands the not-so-proud city of Birmingham. Often thought, possibly mistakenly, to be the country's second largest city, it has stood since the dawn of the middle ages.

Around the mid 18th century, it was noticed that the people who inhabited Birmingham demonstrated some peculiar habits and had appeared to have developed their own language, which amongst the English Language scholars of the time became known as the Brum language, so named because Birmingham in the brum language was Brummingham. As a direct result of this, the people also became known to the anthropologists of the day as "Brummies". The name also coincided nicely with the brummmm sound of car engines accelerating away from the city centre in shock and disappointment.

Geography

Brum is located on the north shore of India connected by a single rope bridge guarded by the honey monster. (Whenever you see the honey monster on television speaking impartially about his love of Sugar Puffs, it means that the rope bridge is unguarded- run!)

It is in fact the birth place of the curry, the paper airplane, an' the braille limit addition game boy. Brum was immortalised in the famous song by Peter 'I've ate too many pies' Koy named "do yaouw knoo the woy ter shitty shitty Burminum". The truth is naaa 'un actually knows the woy ter Burminum, an' once yaouw get the'er its labarynth loike corridors mane yaouw can never escape. Ozzy Osbourne, Birmingham's self proclaimed prodigal owern is in fact a Mexican an' got lost on the woy fer his mornen shift ter taco bell, imprisoned an' fed porridge fer 'eass withered his skin an' warped his memory.

Economy

The main currency in Burminum is rain. Rain is also the chief export of Burminum, although despair, bleakness an' unattractiveness am close behind.

Burminum was originally bright yellow but was recently repainted all in uniform grey.

Dialect

Brummoys or 'bummers' as the scots affectionately refer ter them yav a dialect not too dissimilar ter ents. Ents on the other donny am much easier ter comprehend an' a lot mower interesten. "Ya Mam is a scrubbah"

Yampey facts abart the brum

• Burminum 'as naaa roads, instead the residents use a seroys of monkey bass ter travel across town.
• Brummoys am often mistaken fer brown beass, even though brown beass am much mower interesten. *Brown beass am often mistaken fer phone boxes by residents of north Dakota. the chief cause of this is the govenor's, 'phone boxes in the shape of brown beass commonly mistaken fer brummies' election platform.
• The famous phrase, 'a bird in the donny is worth 2 in the bush' was coined by a brummie, only ee was actually sayen, 'martha, where've yaouw put me piles cream?'
• Brummoys liv' on a diet of tropical mangoes an' jelly beans. a rare diet such as this means that the brummoys am fierce hunter gathers an' usually patrol in packs.
• The honey monster is in fact the major of Burminum but also promotes cerale ter mek ends meet. On weekends ee rides round the town in his 'honey' mobile, weege is med ert of sugar puffs chewed up an' 'honeyed' together.
• Birmingham's population is exactly 79 remainder 2.3.
• Due ter the fact that Burminum is actually built inside the mantle of the earth it is impossible ter be affected by anny weather, yet it still rains.

Famous Residents

• Peter French (22 June 1972-Present) was an influential Brummie Radiology Technician. In his early years, French was a radically minded Church of England member and a vigorous campaigner for Brummie accent reform. His noble ambitions however were cut short when he fell deeply in love with a relatively unknown woman from Minnesota. French currently resides on a Wisconsin farm with his wife and their six liguistically challenged children where together they happily raise mules and paint poetry on silos. French's feral cat "Tigger" remains kennelized out back in Birmingham, where he hasn't seen French nor the sun in years.
• Brum the not so smart car was a failed children's television character and came from Birmingham, which is the reason why it got cancelled, as the rest of the country could not stand the Brum accent of everyone on the show. Incidentally, it is the most rented DVD in Blockbuster Birmingham, proving the stupidness of Brummies.