Arrested development

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Arrested development is a mental illness where a person ceases to be normal and instead appears to be dysfunctional and oddly funny.

Signs of arrested development.[edit]

There are many signs that a person under arrested development may show. Such as...

A person, left, has just blued himself. This person has arrested development.
  • Becoming flamboyant and flashy - The need to dress up in extravagant costumes, have smoke appear all around you and playing "The Final Countdown" constantly is a telltale sign that you or your friend has arrested development. It can be a worrisome sign as it suggests that the subject needs the audience to approve of him, that he needs the attention and almost nothing can convince him of that otherwise once he has arrested development.
  • Having a sudden desire to do something - Whether it's getting into acting or wanting a hook for your hand, a sudden desire to do something that you may not be capable of is a sign of arrested development. Additionally, you may be self indulgent in whatever you're going, ignoring the worries or criticisms of everybody around you.
  • Bluing yourself - Who knows what the color blue represent; maybe it represents the sky, maybe it represents the nightlife. All scientists know is that bluing yourself is the most notable sign of arrested development. I mean have you seen someone blue themselves? That's crazy.
  • Desiring glitz and glamor - People will want to dress themselves in the most exquisite leather and eat at the most famous of places, all while having people look at them as if they were gods or something. Studies indicate that people with arrested development have the central section of the brain buzzing the most, that's the one which controls acceptance and ego.
  • Sitting or lying down near dog houses - It can be said that people with arrested development are kind of like dogs, wanting to feel isolated and restrained, wanting to not think about the world and I'm not talking about Snoopy here; I'm talking about actual dogs.

Catching arrested development[edit]

There is no surefire way to know if you've caught arrested development or not, ways of pre-diagnosing arrested development are faulty at best. Who knows you could be walking down the street, minding your own business when suddenly you want to take out a phone and call your mother and complain about how he's keeping the entire family together. You could also be arguing about your mother about being close together even though you've never had a relationship like that with your mother. Arrested development is sudden, quick and unintentionally hilarious.[1]

There is also no cure for arrested development, once you have it, you have it forever. There have been trials to see which drugs have a massive effect in countering arrested development but so far no drug has had any effect other than mild headaches and a severe amount of confusion. Arrested development suffers have been hoping that the government might invent a cure for this in the near future and have even gone so far as to freeze themselves in order to get the cure; of course, we all know what happens when you freeze yourself.

Spread of arrested development[edit]

Suffers of arrested development often dress in clad clothing, unaware that they're embarrassing themselves in public.

So far, cases of arrested development has spread to 35% of the worlds population from Russia to China to even the small nation of Madagascar. This growth was spurred during a 3 year period from 2003-2006, slowing to an insanely small number afterwards. The cases there are similar to ours, they have people bluing themselves and being flamboyant but with slight differences. The chinese incorporate the ancient methods of higher powers into their arrested development, Indians incorporate Ghandi in almost every aspect of their arrestedly developed lives and not much is different in the United Kingdom. [2]

Recent reports have suggested that arrested development is coming back in 2013 but credible doctors discard that as just plain hogwash, despite cases being reported around the country.[3] Many countries have attempted measures to slow the growth of arrested development from PSA's that show the signs of people with arrested development that aired on such networks such as FOX to as far as the outlawing of arrested development in the most sacred of countries, even to the point of extermination; however, the attempted measures did little to stop the growth of arrested development.

Dealing with arrested development[edit]

Friends of family members of the suffering person of arrested development often have to learn how to deal with these people and they have to deal with the constant antics that comes from arrested development people; the learning of which involves having to play their games and act like the people they're supposed to be, such as the overly clingy, money grubbing mother or the confused son who doesn't know what to do socially. Dealing with arrested development often puts stress on those around them and many cases of emotional outbreak or even outright suicide have erupted over arrested development.

Schools have begun to include arrested development in their cerium in order to help foster a better sense of understanding for them from subjects such as "what would an arrestedly developed person do in a situation such as this?" to intricate details such as the comparisons of comedy between arrested development people. While the level of acceptance for arrested development hasn't risen, arrested development sufferers are proud that details about their condition are being taught to the future generation of the world.[4]

Influence of arrested development[edit]

Despite it's negative nature, it can be said that arrested development has had some influence on our culture. People with arrested development are normally more funnier than their peers and that translates into innovation in both humor and comedy. While the average arrested development person isn't able to act in a normal way, they can have people's sides splitting within seconds; in fact many arrested development people are also considered emergency doctors due to the power of their humor which has been known to mend broken backs, get people out of a depression and even save them from the brink of death from choking.

Comedians who are not afflicted with arrested development can never be as funny as their peers but nonetheless, they show their respect for the condition as they try to incorporate the dysfunctionalism of arrested development into their routines which can be as subtle as aggravated puns to as noticeable as being rude to people; one comedy band went as far as naming themselves "Arrested Development" to support the illness even though none of them have ever had the condition. With every awkwardly delivered line and odd grandstanding they do, they make the people laugh; not laugh to the point they will die but laughing like they're having a good time. For all the bad arrested development has portrayed, this upside to things gives some purpose and with further help from higher powers, the influence of arrested development could climb ten-fold.

References[edit]

  1. Signs of laughter and sadness have often been seen around peers.
  2. Except for the heavy usage of a British accent.
  3. In fact the infection rate for arrested development jumped ten fold from 35% to 50%.
  4. Otherwise, who else would make people laugh?

See also[edit]