Anti-werewolf
Ever sice ancient times has the majestic Anti-Werewolf been our companion and protector. Here is but the briefest description of their truly awe-inspiring nature.
Etymology[edit | edit source]
Anthrolycus Novicus. From Latin Anthro- Human, Lycan- Puppy dog, Novicus- n00bish
Anthrolycans, known commonly in the modern world as "Anti-Werewolves." The Anthrolycans are often willing to forgive this vulgarity, and in fact the correct plural form is "Anti-Werewolfen," which developed from German "das Anti-Vervulfenshtien" cerca 500 A.D. For now, the more sophisticated among you shall have to endure my future plebian references to these undoubtably intriguing creatures, as "Anti-Werewolfen" can become a little confusing to the inexperienced reader.
Notable Traits[edit | edit source]
Anti-Werewolves are a breed of legendary creature similar in many regards to the common werewolf, with several distinct differences. While werewolves are classified as humans who unwittingly transform into a vicious canine creature when exposed to the light of the full moon, Anti-Werewolves are characterized by the exact opposite. During the daytime and most of the month, Anthrolycans appear to be ordinary domestic Dogs, but under the same circumstances that initiate the transformation of a werewolf, they are deformed into a hideous mockery of a human being. (see picture)
Despite their fearsome visage (see picture), these creatures are usually of a kind and gentle disposition and enjoy playing fetch and eating Snausages. This general rule has several notable exceptions, however. For full details see "Anti-Werewolves in History."
The bite of an Anti-Werewolf has no effect on the average human being, besides the possible bleeding and infections that may arise. However, when an ordinary dog is bitten, upon his very next full moon he will begin the transformation phase and gain intelligence as a result. After the first transformation, a neophyte Anthrolycan is accepted into the Society of Mythological Creatures and receives a diploma and certificate, in addition to the various goody bag items that the Narwhals insist upon handing out at every meeting. Furthermore, at this point, other Anti-Werewolves stop calling the initiate a n00b and he gains 1337 points. The bite of an Anthrolycan is also a known cure for Lycanthropy, or Werewolfism. Conversely, if your dog is a suspected Anthrolycan and you are opposed to this, have a werewolf give him a nip on leg or something.
Other cures for Anthrolycism:
- Peanut butter
- Octapus Milk
- Phoenix Tears
- Various Savanna Grasses
- and Chuck Norris's leg hair
Anti-Werewolfian Politics[edit | edit source]
Domesticated animals do not recognize the political boundaries that humans do, and as a result there are many disputes over jurisdiction in court cases that involve animals and humans. Fortunately, these cases are few and far between. As the vast majority of Anthrolycans are either domesticated dogs, strays, or famous actors, they abide by the policies in the Congress of Household Pets, where they currently hold the house majority.
Anti-Werewolves in History[edit | edit source]
The most well known Anti-Werewolf to date is Shia Labeouf. On January 3, 1962, Shia Labeouf led a massive rebellion in New England. He was fighting against unfair labour laws, and the conflict escalated until the United States Government had a full blown revolution on its hands. Significant casualties had been prevented by timely action from The Anti-Werewolfian Society of Friendzz and NASA, who managed to suppress the rebellion and cover it all up. (It was just swamp gas reflecting the light of venus. And a weather balloon.) Had the aforementioned partied not successfully intervened, Labeouf and his minions could have easily exterminated the entire population of rural Massachusetts before petering out. After Labeouf was discovered hiding in his parent's cellar, the police brought him in, and after a lengthy trial imprisoned on a drug charge (he had a very good lawyer). To prevent it from ever happening again, the government's lvl.80 mages worked their powerful magic and permenantly trapped Labeouf in his human form.
Other notable Anti-Werewolves in history:
- Balto
- Ur mom
- Air-Bud
- Sandy from the hit musical "Annie"
- Scooby-Doo
- Santa's Little Helper
- Dick Cheney
- Ludwig van Beethoven
- Shiloh
- Lassie