Alex Kapranos

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
A normal day in the life of Alex Kapranos.

Alex Kapranos (Greek: Άλεξ Καπράνος, born with the cheesey name of Alex Paul Huntley-Kapranos, 20 March 1972) is a UK based musician who is currently the lead singer and guitarist of mysterious, alternate, altercation-starting, comune Glasgow band Franz Ferdinand. He is also believed to be son of the Greek Goddess Hera.

Early years[edit | edit source]

Alex Kapranos grew up in the faraway land of Mongolia. Spending most of his life with his family in the main urban site of Ulaan Bataar, Kapranos exercised his interest in music. He started out playing the mandolin and eventually moved on to guitar. He got his first electric one on the eve of his twenty first birthday.

Life Before Franz Ferdinand[edit | edit source]

Kapranos, enjoying a nice ice cream.

Kapranos began playing guitar at various Mongolian coffee shops. His pay would include a nice cherry snow cone and a packet of cheese crackers. He began playing nightly shows and on the weekends as well, in desperate seeking of more cherry snow cones to feed his soul.

The Start Of Something New[edit | edit source]

In September of 2000, as Kapranos was resting outside for a rare ice cream, a young man walked into him. This brief clash of bodies resulted to an ice cream cone on the floor and a very angry Kapranos. The two began to quarrel and Kapranos was reportedly on the verge of tears, since mocha was his allegedly "favorite flavor." They continued to shove each other and bicker until they were forced to take their fight elsewhere. The two found it no use and decided to settle the feud; the young man bought Kapranos another ice cream, and the two began discussing about his musical career.

Nick McCarthy[edit | edit source]

It turned out that the young man, by the name of Nick McCarthy, was also interested in pursuing a life in music. He had graduated with a major in anthropology and classical music studies at University of Ulaan Bataar. He and Kapranos began writing songs together and the two would play at the coffee shop at evenings, earning their nightly desserts.

Paul Thomson[edit | edit source]

Main article: Paul Thomson

After a few months of working together with McCarthy, Kapranos phoned up his second cousin thrice removed, Paul Thomson. Kapranos asked him if he was interested in starting up a band. Thomson agreed and was soon put on drums. According to interviews and various sources, the trio would spend their afternoons stealing fudgesicles from kids at the ice cream truck. "At one point," Thomson said, "it was so goddamn out of control, Alex actually carjacked the truck and rode away with four-hundred popsicles and an ice cream maker." Thomson reportedly arrived promptly to play drums at practices and left early during public meetings with McCarthy and Kapranos.

Robert Hardy[edit | edit source]

Kapranos first encountered Bob Hardy when he was walking through the park in the early 1990's. "I was eleven or so," Hardy told reporters. "He asked me if I was going to finish my orange Creamsicle. I said yes and he shoved me and took it anyway. I didn't cry though. I didn't really show any emotion at all." Kapranos denies these allegations. Eventually, ten years later, they came across each other again during an art show. The two apparently were both interested in paintings. "I just think colors are cool. He kept going on and on and on about how 'revolutionary' it was. I was like, whatever," says Hardy. After the show, Kapranos asked Hardy if he'd like to play the bass, which Hardy kindly denied. He then coaxed him with a Klondike bar. Hardy picked up the bass in late 2001, and the band, Franz Ferdinand had formed.

Franz Ferdinand[edit | edit source]

Main article: Franz Ferdinand
"Yeah, I'm Kapranos, Deal With it!"

Kapranos' role in the formation Franz Ferdinand is undeniably prominent. After about a year of playing at local spots in Mongolia, they soon were signed to a record deal and forced to live in Glasgow, Scotland. Currently, the band has gone through extreme commercial success with a whopping one song that everyone knows by them. They continue to influence a majority of the population in Ulaan Bataar and some various parts of South America. Kapranos has taken pride in his success, but humbly as well. When asked for a response to all the attention, Kapranos went on to explain about how down to earth the whole process was, but soon went off topic and was cut off air. Again, in 2007, attempts were made to ask him again, but was unable to make a comment due to reportedly being in a sugar coma as a result of eating forty-nine hot fudge sundaes within an hour and a half.