User:Leverage

“Nice to put a name to a face. But that's not my name. And this is not my face.”

~ Me on Leverage and Blofeld (left).

“It was inevitable: the scent of bitter what-do-you-call-em always reminded him of thingummybob.”

~ Gabriel García Márquez on how dementia and Uncyclopedia articles both evoke an ethereal sense of loss.

“You don't write because you want to say something, you write because you have something to say.”

~ F. Scott Fitzgerald on how writing worked before Uncyclopedia.

“Tis a monster that doth mock the meat it feasts on.”

~ Iago on the cancerous desire to prove you're intelligent on the internet.

edit Stuff what I done

BladeRunnerway Bride - the Harrison Ford-Julia Roberts dystopian chick-flick.
Pope Francis - profile of the Argentinian midfielder and pontiff.
Herbert Hoover - profile on the suckiest president.
Joanna Corey - a bio of the academic who comes up in a lot of my UnNews.
John Travolta - a requested article on the heterosexual star.
Jonathan Ross - some r's have been left in on purpose, some haven't.
Nelson Mandela - a Jerry Sadowitz inspired tribute.
Wee Kia - a pun on Wikia.

HowTo:Be an American in Europe
UnBooks:The Black and White House: Hillary and Barack - Uncyclopedia porn.
UnScripts:Tony Hancock: The Sperm Donor - a silly pun which kept giving.

Horoscopes 19th November - 27th January

Name of article	Date	Featured
UnNews:BITCH Jennifer Aniston flaunts lovely breasts	15 May 2013
UnNews:American fails to understand soccer and highway code	15 May 2013
UnNews:US doctor found guilty of 39th week abortions‎	14 May 2013
UnNews:Newspapers respectfully cut Jolie's breasts out of photos	14 May 2013
UnNews:UN bullies hungry children into eating insects	13 May 2013
UnNews:Abducted Ohio girls check MySpace	8 May 2013
UnNews:Bostonians demand dead bomber's body be mutilated	4 May 2013
UnNews:NZ outlaws shouting 'Lucifer' during anal	3 May 2013
UnNews:Should Thanksgiving go cannibal?	1 May 2013
UnNews:George W. Bush Children's Library opened	26 April 2013
UnNews:Obama plays down Michelle's 'white mother' gaffe	25 April 2013
UnNews:Mother has FB page removed from favorites	25 April 2013
UnNews:Luis Suarez's good food guide	21 April 2013
UnNews:London runners get through minute's silence in 30 seconds	21 April 2013
UnNews:NRA calls for castor oil to be banned	20 April 2013
UnNews:Interview with jealous Iraqi bomber	20 April 2013
UnNews:Rolf Harris in 'extra leg' inquiry	19 April 2013
UnNews:Runners used explosion as excuse not to finish marathon	16 April 2013
UnNews:Geordie horse wants rematch	15 April 2013
UnNews:Interview with Nicolas Maduro	15 April 2013
UnNews:Venice bans motorboating	14 April 2013
UnNews:Mali apologises to Hollande for eating 'delicious' camel	10 April 2013
UnNews:Margaret Thatcher tragically dies 30 years too late	8 April 2013	Yes
UnNews:Was 9/11 an outside job?	5 April 2013
UnNews:British class survey 'a bit shit'	4 April 2013
UnNews:Suspicions over Armstrong motorized testicle	4 April 2013
UnNews:Di Canio begins reign of fascism	3 April 2013
UnNews:Death penalty for Joker killer is 'only fair, really'	2 April 2013
UnNews:The town that gave up on apostrophes	28 March 2013
UnNews:David Miliband goes into the wild	27 March 2013
UnNews:Nintendo Puu to be released	25 March 2013	Yes
UnNews:Raikkonen admits F1 is 'a bit gay'	23 March 2013
UnNews:Abortion debate leads to first ever change of opinion	23 March 2013
UnNews:Cypriot government to occupy one bedroom of all large houses	22 March 2013
UnNews:Concerns as Pacino opts to keep Spector haircut	17 March 2013
UnNews:Pope moves into rundown studio flat	17 March 2013
UnNews:SA sugar daddies add AIDS twist	15 March 2013
UnNews:Did the Time Warp wreck Canadian's Pope chances?	14 March 2013
UnNews:Falkland Islanders vote for Queen over penguins	12 March 2013
UnNews:Malik Obama loses election amid passport row	12 March 2013
UnNews:International Women's Day - a plea	8 March 2013
UnNews:Ferguson fumes over Chavez dismissal	6 March 2013
UnNews:Girl's NY Jets trial ends hilariously	4 March 2013
UnNews:Uncyclopedia sues Amazon for $1500	4 March 2013
UnNews:Florida sinkhole man discovers Atlantis	3 March 2013
UnNews:Harlem Shake is al Qaeda recruitment song	28 February 2013
UnNews:Day Lewis: THIS is why I WON	25 February 2013
UnNews:Relief as stolen Banksy returned	24 February 2013
UnNews:American Sniper's death is 'what he would have wanted'	3 February 2013
UnNews:A foreigner's guide to the Super Bowl	2 February 2013
UnNews:100m Americans watch West Indies win cricket final	7 October 2012	Yes
UnNews:A guide to Pope Benedict's updated Christmas story	23 November 2012
UnNews:Adults quietly vote to keep internet porn	15 December 2012
UnNews:Catholic Church set to remove Jimmy Savile's papal knighthood	27 October 2012
UnNews:California passes law banning blood-to-crip therapy	5 October 2012
UnNews:Brooks begs Cameron to leave wife	19 December 2012
UnNews:British porn industry booms due to lax attitude on condoms	5 January 2013
UnNews:BBC DJ's warned over possible Savile Pranksters	29 October 2012
UnNews:Baumgartner skydive 'was bachelor party prank'	15 October 2012
UnNews:An American's guide to Scottish Independence	16 October 2012
UnNews:Abu Hamza 'devastated' over Queen revelation	25 September 2012	Yes
UnNews:An American's guide to Jimmy Savile	2 October 2012
UnNews:Afghanistan death toll closing in on 9/11 target	30 September 2012	Yes
UnNews:Ellen DeGeneres shot by Foster maniac	14 January 2013
UnNews:Concern as entire Chinese race disappears for a minute	3 December 2012
UnNews:Complacent Obama beats wife during economic debate	4 October 2012
UnNews:Clark Kent finds sustainable online journalism business model	26 October 2012
UnNews:Chavez plays down "crush you all" comment	8 October 2012
UnNews:Ignorance not bliss, new study finds	26 September 2012	Yes
UnNews:Hutchence 'now second worst asphyxiation death'	26 November 2012
UnNews:Adverts to help Pakistanis distinguish 'several Americans' and 'America'	21 September 2012
UnNews:Hunter Moore struggling to find something worse than revenge porn	4 December 2012
UnNews:Homosexual comic characters 'giving geeks ideas'	20 October 2012
UnNews:Heavily bearded relative feels snubbed at party	25 December 2012
UnNews:Hand transplant man masturbates for first time	5 January 2013	Yes
UnNews:Former Last FM chairman launches controversial sexual assault site	1 December 2012
UnNews:Ferdinand hurts own face with shirt	9 December 2012
UnNews:FaceBook comments arrest terrifies trolls	9 October 2012
UnNews:Obama team blames Burma kiss on 'fatigue'	20 November 2012
UnNews:Number of gay TV characters "still far behind number of gay actors and producers"	8 October 2012
UnNews:New Year Honours List 2013	2 January 2013
UnNews:Microsoft iPad burglary 'like not being raped'	9 January 2013
UnNews:Hawking admits to faking disability	18 January 2013
UnNews:Media celebrates Connecticut mass murder	14 December 2012
UnNews:Man realises he holds penis with left hand	21 December 2012
UnNews:Man's nipples fall right off	11 December 2012	Yes
UnNews:Man confirms time	13 January 2013
UnNews:Mancini-Balotelli bust up featured 'incomprehensible gestures'	3 January 2013
UnNews:Lance Armstrong: My Moped Shame	11 October 2012
UnNews:Kate vows to sit on arse for entire pregnancy	4 December 2012
UnNews:Kate Middleton portrait gets mixed reaction	12 January 2013
UnNews:Jeremy Forrest's colleagues make first uneasy jokes	1 October 2012
UnNews:TaTu to reunite after Pussy Riot prison camp decision	22 October 2012
UnNews:Indian bus drivers forced to declare rape intentions	15 January 2013
UnNews:Shock as Kate hoax DJ's commit suicide	8 December 2012
UnNews:Physical Cliff: the name that's sweeping the stripper industry	3 January 2013
UnNews:Remembrance day remembered	12 November 2012
UnNews:Pete Best gets hammered as Love Me Do turns 50	5 October 2012
UnNews:Obama wins debate with Fresh Prince rap	17 October 2012
UnNews:What happened to Italian cocks?	5 December 2012	Yes
UnNews:US to consider Coptic Pope method for 2016 election	4 November 2012
UnNews:UN establishes worldwide ban on anal sex	2 October 2012
UnNews:UK and Argentina hopeful over new pointless conflict	22 December 2012
UnNews:Two and a Half Men also shit - Cryer	27 November 2012
UnNews:Tom Cruise: 'I have heterosexual feelings'	3 October 2012
UnNews:The Onion's business plan undone by Esc button	3 October 2012
UnNews:The new looks sweeping the Muslim world	7 January 2013
UnNews:The day the whole world came	11 November 2012
UnNews:Thatcher's second heart to lead her to re-election?	24 December 2012
UnNews:Tesco deny horse-burgers had mad horse disease	17 January 2013
UnNews:Australian nugget man has 'magpie's concept of gold'	19 January 2013
UnNews:Manti Te’o 'does not exist'	20 January 2013
UnNews:Tarantino denies Django makes viewers act like Southern gents	22 January 2013
UnNews:Controversy over Nigga Teen Patches	23 January 2013
UnNews:Cameron denied 'shake it all about' option	23 January 2013
UnNews:Did Obama lip-sync oath?	23 January 2013
UnNews:Net wars over - Badminton surrenders to Tennis	25 January 2013
UnNews:Problem Page - my girl farts in her sleep	26 January 2013
UnNews:Obama and Clinton finally speak about affair	28 January 2013
UnNews:Joanna Lumley's guide to avoiding rape	28 January 2013
UnNews:Iran makes monkey jump from space	28 January 2013
UnNews:Zimbabwe 'was going to blow last $217 on coke and hooker'	30 January 2013
UnNews:Bush blames Barney for Iraq war decision	2 February 2013	Yes
UnNews:Sandy Hook school choir accused of miming	4 February 2013
UnNews:4chan users fix Budweiser horse naming poll	4 February 2013
UnNews:House star denies he is Richard III	5 February 2013
UnNews:Kerry teased over intermediate level of French	9 February 2013
UnNews:German plagiarism minister makes odd resignation speech	9 February 2013
UnNews:Hilarious mix-up over rapist twins' DNA	10 February 2013
UnNews:Pope 'too old to attract altar boys'	11 February 2013
UnNews:Oscar Pistorius 'was legless' when he shot girlfriend	14 February 2013
UnNews:Police spokespeople apologise for being prick teases	15 February 2013
UnNews:Cameron takes One Direction handjob for Africa	21 February 2013